This is the one where we can see

This is the site where we can know the knowledge and can.

This is featured post 2 title

This is the site where we can know the knowledge and can.

This is featured post 3 title

This is the site where we can know the knowledge and can.

This is featured post 4 title

Replace these every slider sentences with your featured post descriptions.Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these with your own descriptions.

This is featured post 5 title

Replace these every slider sentences with your featured post descriptions.Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these with your own descriptions.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

France introduces new tax on high incomes

1 comment

France introduces new tax on high incomes

The French government is to impose an extra tax of 3% on annual income above 500,000 euros (£440,000; $721,000).

It is part of a package of measures to try to cut the country's deficit by 12bn euros over two years.
The tax increase came after some of France's wealthiest people had called on the government to tackle its deficit by raising taxes on the rich.
Paris has also reduced its economic growth forecast for 2012 to 1.75% from a previous 2.25%.
'Rigorous' And it has cut its 2011 growth forecast from 2% to 1.75%, Prime Minister Francois Fillon has said.
He said the new tax would remain in place until France reduces its budget deficit back under the EU's intended limit of 3% of GDP, which should occur in 2013.
France plans to trim its public deficit to 5.7 % this year, 4.6 % next year and 3% in 2013.
"This is a rigorous policy that will allow France to remain relaxed," Mr Fillon said. "Our country must stick to its [deficit] commitments. It's in the interest of all French people."

Sixteen executives, including Europe's richest woman, the L'Oreal heiress Liliane Bettencourt, had offered in an open letter to pay a "special contribution" in a spirit of "solidarity".

It appeared on the website of the French magazine Le Nouvel Observateur.
It was signed by some of France's most high-profile chief executives, including Christophe de Margerie of oil firm Total, Frederic Oudea of bank Societe Generale, and Air France's Jean-Cyril Spinetta.
They said: "We, the presidents and leaders of industry, businessmen and women, bankers and wealthy citizens would like the richest people to have to pay a 'special contribution'."
They said they had benefited from the French system and that: "When the public finances deficit and the prospects of a worsening state debt threaten the future of France and Europe and when the government is asking everybody for solidarity, it seems necessary for us to contribute."
They warned, however, that the contribution should not be so severe that it would provoke an exodus of the rich or increased tax avoidance.

No comments

Libya crisis: Doha meeting seeks to raise $2.5bn aid

A donors' meeting is being held in Doha, capital of Qatar, to raise funds for Libya's National Transitional Council (NTC).

The target is to raise $2.5bn (£1.5bn) to pay the salaries of government workers as well as funding treatment for people injured in the fighting.
Countries represented are the US, the UK, Turkey, Germany, France, Italy and Qatar.
The fighting has brought the economy to a near standstill.
'Responsibilities' Production of oil, Libya's main export, has fallen from 1.6 million barrels a day to fewer than 100,000.
"The countries in the contact group must ensure that the NTC is provided with the required resources and support to assume its responsibilities to the Libyan people," Qatar's minister of international cooperation, Khalid al-Attiyah, said.
But with the potential to regain the oil wealth, analysts say that in the medium term it may not be foreign money that Libya needs.
"It's a very rich country with very poor people," said David Hartwell from IHS Global Insight.
"What it needs is transparency, better and more equitable investment, and it needs to iron out the discrimination between the [richer] west of the country and the [poorer] east of the country."
Further meetings The meeting is being held in Qatar, which was the first Arab state to support the no-fly zone in Libya.
Qatar has also become a base for rebel leaders, offering them help in marketing oil from rebel-held areas and giving them a place to voice their opinions against Col Muammar Gaddafi.
Speaking in Doha, NTC Prime Minister Mahmud Jibril announced the conference and said Libya's transition "begins immediately".
A meeting of senior diplomats is also due to take place in Istanbul on Thursday, at which ways of helping with reconstruction and transition into a democratic state will be discussed.
French President Sarkozy hopes that the Istanbul meeting will finalise plans for a "Friends of Libya" conference to be held in Paris in the next 10 days, which will include heads of state and international organisations.

No comments

Australia: Art Nation

The national broadcaster ABC axed its flagship culture show, Art Nation. Fans of the programme described the move as an act of cultural vandalism.
The celebrated cartoonist, Robert Crumb, who is renowned for his sexually explicit cartoons, decided to pull out of an arts festival in Sydney. He did so because the tabloid The Sunday Telegraph described him as "self-confessed sex pervert".
Edmund Capon, the country's most highly respected arts scholar, announced his retirement from the Gallery of New South Wales, leaving a big void not easily filled.
The arts community has also been mourning the death of one of Australia's best-loved artists, the fabulously feisty Margaret Olley, who died at the age of 88.In another blow to the standing of high culture in this country, the Arts Minister Simon Crean was prevented from attending her memorial service in Sydney because the opposition leader Tony Abbott has banned the use of voting pairs in parliament. It means that MPs are confined to Canberra when parliament is sitting.
Former Liberal leader Malcolm Turnbull, a friend of Margaret Olley's and an enthusiastic patron of the arts, was also in effect barred from the event. To apply this hostile tactic so rigidly seemed especially silly seeing as Mr Crean and Mr Turnbull on this occasion formed such a natural "pair".
But then, Tony Abbott could hardly be described as a renaissance man. A traditionalist in his artistic tastes, he once described the parliamentary collection of paintings as "avant-garde crap".
Neither has Julia Gillard offered much in the way of artistic leadership. When the cameras were invited to film her adding a few personal touches to the Prime Minister's office, it was her Western Bulldogs footy scarf that took pride of place, along with a Sherrin football, rather than, say, a landscape by Sidney Nolan.
Cutting-edge

For all that, the arts in Australia seem to be in much stronger shape than when first I started my posting. Brisbane has a fabulous new Gallery of Modern Art. Tasmania has the Museum of Old and New Art (Mona), a destination gallery if ever there was one. Canberra can also boast the new National Portrait Gallery, which is housed in yet another cutting-edge building. Sydney's Museum of Contemporary Art is also about to get an impressive new wing.

The Archibald prize for portraiture goes from strength to strength. This year's winner, oddly, was a portrait of Margaret Olley. Then there is the ever popular Sculptures by the Sea open-air festival on the coastal path between Bronte and Bondi.

Sydney Biennale, the country's largest and most ambitious festival of modern art, has been another hit with the public. The National Gallery of Victoria, which sounds oxymoronic I know, and its offshoot The Ian Potter Centre in Federation Square continue to burnish Melbourne's status as Australia's cultural capital.

On the arts front, the story that I would love to have covered during my time here was that the Sydney Opera House had been given the go-ahead and the money to fully realise the original vision of its Danish architect Jorn Utzon.

The interior was intended to be just as exhilarating as its stunning exterior. Alas, Utzon was forced to resign - the phrase "constructive dismissal" has rarely been more inapt - before the building's completion. A local architect finished the inside.

Still, the Sydney Opera House continues to be one of the country's most thrusting and forward-thinking cultural institutions. And here's more proof: the Ship Song Project, a celebration of the Opera House with the help of Nick Cave and friends. I love it. I hope you'll enjoy it, too...

Apple delivers first Mac OS X Lion update

No comments

Apple delivers first Mac OS X Lion update

Apple today issued the first update for OS X Lion, the new operating system it launched four weeks ago.

Mac OS X 10.7.1 comes in two versions for client systems: One for the new MacBook Air and Mac Mini that Apple refreshed last month, another for all other machines running the new operating system.
Apple said both updates fix problems users have encountered while playing video in Safari, improves the reliability of Wi-Fi connections, and quashes a bug that silenced audio when using routing data from a Mac via optical or HDMI (high-definition multimedia interface) adaptors.
Several MacBook Air- and Mac Mini-specific problems were dealt with the update targeting those new systems, including one that supposedly deals with display flickering on the Air and another that is supposed to boost the speed of data transfers from the SD card slot on the Mini.
Users who quickly grabbed 10.7.1 reported different results for other problems that have garnered attention on Apple's support forum. In a very long and popular thread -- viewed over 46,000 times -- with the title "Lion randomly crashes - black screen" some users said that 10.7.1 had eliminated their BSODs (Black Screen of Death) while others said theirs persisted.
What's notable about 10.7.1 is its small size relative to typical Apple updates: 10.7.1 weighed in at just 17.4MB on several iMacs, compared with as much as 453MB for Mac OS X 10.6.8, the update to Snow Leopard Apple shipped in late June.
Lion is the first Mac OS X edition that deals out smaller "delta" updates, ones which deliver only changes. The change to delta updates will most affect Mac owners with slow or heavily-metered connections to the Internet.
By shifting to delta updates, Apple is following in the footsteps of its OS rival Microsoft, which has long shipped smaller patches and bug fixes. Microsoft's most recent Patch Tuesday, for instance, included eight updates to Windows XP that added up to 15.9MB worth of downloads.
There are apparently no security patches included with the 10.7.1 update.
The version of 10.7.1 for new MacBook Airs and Mac Minis is available from this page on Apple's website, while 10.7.1 for other machines can be found here.

1 comment

European leaders call for action as economy hits wall

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) -- The leaders of France and Germany on Tuesday called for more integrated economic policies to help stabilize the euro and restore growth across the European Union.
But the comments disappointed many on Wall Street who were hoping the leaders would announce new plans to contain the sovereign debt crisis roiling global markets.
French President Nicolas Sarkozy and German Chancellor Angela Merkel met in Paris to discuss, among other things, a proposed "golden rule" to require all 17 members of the currency union to commit to balanced budgets.
The goal, they said, is to promote greater "convergence" among the policies of the core members of the EU, such as France and Germany, with those of the more troubled nations on the union's periphery.
EU officials have been under pressure to come up with a lasting solution to the union's long-running debt crisis as market has accelerated in recent weeks. But Sarkozy and Merkel stopped short of endorsing an increase in the size of the EU's bailout fund, and were cool to the idea of a pan-European bond.

Who in the world is most in debt?

The meeting came on the same day that Eurostat, the EU statistical agency, reported a sharp slowdown in economic growth during the second quarter.
Gross domestic product for the European Union as a whole grew at a quarterly rate of 0.2%, according to preliminary estimates from Eurostat.
It was the weakest growth rate in two years and came after a 0.8% expansion in the first three months of 2011. Economists were expecting growth to have slowed, with many projecting a 0.3% rate in the quarter.
Germany, the largest economy in Europe, nearly ground to a halt in the quarter. The nation's GDP grew at a quarterly rate of only 0.1%, down from 1.3% in the first quarter.
France, the second largest EU economy, reported last week that its economy did not grow at all in the second quarter.
Merkel and Sarkozy both sounded optimistic about the outlook for economic growth in Europe. But Merkel acknowledged that weak economic growth abroad presents a challenge for Germany's export-driven economy.
In the United States, investors were particularly disappointed that Sarkozy said the size of the 440 billion EU stability fund is sufficient, despite economists' push to greatly expand the bailout fund. Some are even calling for funding of more than 1 trillion euro.

Sarkozy also said a tax on financial transactions is a "priority" for EU policymakers.
The leaders also agreed that issuing euro bonds, a collective bond to help pay off the debt of the peripheral countries, will not solve the European debt crisis.
The weakness in Europe's economic powerhouses raises concerns about the ability of stronger EU economies to support struggling members outside the core of the European Union.
Stock markets across Europe sold off after the GDP numbers were announced. But shares recovered late in the day to close modestly lower.
The slowdown was the latest sign that global economic activity has shifted into low gear.

World's 10 largest economies

On Monday, the Japanese government said GDP fell 0.3% in the second quarter. But the decline was smaller than expected, given the disruptions caused by the March earthquake.
Meanwhile, the U.S. economy grew 0.3% in the second quarter, compared with the prior quarter, according to statistics released last month. The annual growth rate for the United States was 1.3%.
In Europe, the decline in output came against a backdrop of turmoil, as the long-running debt crisis in Greece, Portugal and Ireland accelerated in the second quarter.
Investors have been rattled by fears that larger economies, including Spain and Italy, may need to be bailed out. That has raised fears about the future viability of the 12-year old currency union.
Meanwhile, political leaders in Europe have been working to contain the continent's sovereign debt problems and stabilize the euro.
The European Council announced a new €109 billion rescue package last month, and agreed to expand the powers of the EU financial stability fund.
To calm jittery financial markets, the European Central Bank began buying Spanish and Italian bonds last week. In addition, regulators imposed a temporary ban on short selling of stocks in France, Spain, Italy and Belgium.

No comments

The 10 key myths about Osama bin Laden

1. Osama bin Laden was 'created' by the CIA
He did not receive any direct funding or training from the US during the 1980s. Nor did his followers. The Afghan mujahideen, via Pakistan's ISI intelligence agency, received large amounts of both. Some bled to the Arabs fighting the Soviets but nothing significant.
2. He had a huge personal fortune
Bin Laden was forced to leave any cash he had when he in effect fled Saudi Arabia in 1991 for Pakistan and then Sudan. His family cut him off. Nor would the inheritance from his hugely wealthy father have been divided into equal parts anyway. What Bin Laden did have was contacts, which allowed him to raise money with ease.
3. He was responsible for 1993 bombing of World Trade Centre
Ramzi Yousef, who was the main perpetrator of the attack, was probably working for Khaled Sheikh Mohammed who was an independent operator at the time. Mohammed only started working with al-Qaida in 1996 and even then kept his distance from Bin Laden.
4. He got money from drug running
No evidence for this whatsoever despite repeated claims – such as in the post 9/11 British government dossier on al-Qaida.
5. He never exposed himself to any danger
He did not single-handedly seize a short-barrelled AK-47 from a dying Soviet general as he sometimes claimed but numerous witnesses report that he was in the thick of fighting in Jaji in 1987 and again at the battle of Jalalabad in 1989.
6. He spent a lot of time in caves
In the late 1990s, for propaganda purposes, Bin Laden invited select journalists to meet him in caves near Tora Bora in eastern Afghanistan. However he lived in a much more comfortable compound a short drive away, near the former Soviet collective farm of Hadda owned by a local warlord. By 1999 he had moved to a complex of houses near Kandahar. When he was killed, he was living in a relatively comfortable detached house in Abbottabad, Pakistan. In between, there is no evidence that he spent any time living in caves. The rest of al-Qaida's senior militants appear to have lived in the semi-fortified houses that are common in the tribal zones.
7. He was a tearaway teenager who partied in Beirut before becoming religious.
There is no evidence for this either. Bin Laden appears to have been an intense, shy and pious youth who married young and spent an inordinate amount of time studying scripture.
8. He was near to dying of a kidney disease.
There are some reports – not least in the Guantánamo files – of renal problems but certainly not serious enough to kill him. It is more likely he had back problems caused by his height (around 6ft 5in) and relatively sedentary lifestyle.
9. He hid in Kashmir, was the leader of Chechen groups, was responsible for violence in the Philippines and in Indonesia, organised the Madrid 2004 attack and had an extensive network in Paraguay, sub-Saharan Africa and South Africa.
All these claims, made by various governments or intelligence services over the last decade have proved totally without foundation.
10. Bin Laden was an Arsenal fan
Despite fans reportedly chanting "Osama, woah-woah, Osama, woah-waoh, he's hiding in Kabul, he loves the Arsenal", Bin Laden was not a faithful of the north London club.

1 comment

Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill

On April 20, 2010, the Deepwater Horizon semi-submersible Mobile Offshore Drilling Unit experienced a large explosion and fire, while drilling in the Macondo Prospect oil field about 40 miles (60 km) southeast of the Louisiana coast. The blast caused an underwater wellhead to erupt and started a massive offshore oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, which flowed for three months. The environmental disaster is considered the largest in U.S. history. In all, the event resulted in the release of approximately 4.9 million barrels or 205.8 million gallons of crude oil. It is the largest accidental marine oil spill in the history of the petroleum industry. The spill continues to cause severe damage to marine and wildlife habitats, as well as the Gulf’s fishing and tourism industries.
By late November 2010, 320 miles (510 km) of the Louisiana shoreline was closed because of the spill. In January 2011, eight months after the explosion, an oil spill commissioner reported that tar balls continue to wash ashore, wetlands are fouled and dying, and crude oil remains visible off the Gulf of Mexico coastlines. Scientists have reported immense underwater plumes of dissolved oil not visible on the surface, as well as an 80-square-mile (210 km) “kill zone” surrounding the damaged BP well, where it looks like everything is dead on the seafloor. The disaster has put hundreds of endangered animal species at risk.
The North Atlantic Bluefin Tuna, prized for sushi and sashimi, regularly travels across the Atlantic seaboard to spawn in the Gulf of Mexico. Five of the world’s seven sea turtle species live, migrate and breed in the Gulf region. Kemp’s ridley is the world’s most endangered species of sea turtle. Ten days after the accident, scientists recorded 156 sea turtle deaths, most of the victims were Kemp’s ridleys. The grass beds south of the Chandeleur Islands are very close to the oil spill. These grasses are a nursing area for a large number of shark species. Oil spills pose an immediate threat to marine mammals because they need to surface and breathe. Some other notable creatures at risk are Louisiana oysters, shrimp, blue crab, and a huge collection of birds, including the Brown Pelican.
One of the biggest unknown factors surrounding the spill is related to the dispersants BP used to fight the oil. Dispersants are a collection of chemicals that rapidly disperse large amounts of certain types of oil from the sea surface by transferring it into the water column. The oil is effectively spread over a larger volume of water and taken off the surface of the ocean. Dispersants can delay the formation of persistent oil-in-water emulsions. The problem is that laboratory experiments show that dispersants have increased the toxic hydrocarbon levels in fish by a factor of up to 100 and may kill fish eggs. Some people believe that BP used these chemicals because they wanted the oil out of sight and mind.
BP didn’t want people to see the oil collecting on the surface of the water, so they made the premature decision to use the dispersants. A dispersant was used in an attempt to clean up the Exxon Valdez oil spill of 1989. During that spill, fisheries didn’t see a dramatic decline in business right away. However, four years after the disaster, the herring market made a strong decline. Since that time, there has been a steady downward trend of the salmon fisheries in the area where the Exxon Valdez spill occurred, which is Prince William Sound, Alaska. This has concerned environmentalists who have predicted that the damage caused by the Deepwater Horizon oil spill is only beginning to impact the world economy and sea life.

No comments

World Floods

Beginning in late 2010 and early 2011, a series of floods have devastated certain areas of the world, most notably Australia and Rio de Janeiro. In December 2010, a great flood hit the state of Queensland, Australia, including its capital city, Brisbane. The floods forced the evacuation of at least 70 towns and over 200,000 people were affected. The December 2010 Gascoyne River flood was the one of the most severe floods to ever take place along the Gascoyne River in Western Australia. It was triggered by record-breaking rainfall, amounting to over 6,000% of the monthly mean in just four days. The flood caused widespread damage in the region, most notably the coastal town of Carnarvon.
A high intensity of rainfall between January 12 and 14, 2011, caused major flooding across much of the western and central parts of the Australian state of Victoria. The question has been raised. When will the rain stop? Queensland Treasurer Andrew Fraser said it is not possible to put a figure on the damage, but a rough estimate is currently putting lost revenue from Australia’s GDP at about A$30 billion. The floods damaged a large portion of Australia’s coal mines and cotton plantings, among other resources. The 2010 La Niña weather pattern, which brings wetter conditions to eastern Australia, was the strongest since 1973.
Record or near to record sea surface temperatures were recorded off the Queensland coast in late 2010. The month of December, 2010, was Queensland’s wettest on record. 2010 was the Australian continent’s third wettest year ever. Communities isolated by floodwaters have experienced food shortages, and a rise in the cost of fruits and vegetables. On January 11, the Wivenhoe Dam in South East Queensland filled to a level equivalent to 191% of its supply capacity. The dam can hold the equivalent of 225% of its supply capacity. As of January 14, 2011, 30 deaths have been attributed to the Australian floods, 15 of which are from the Toowoomba and the Lockyer Valley area. Additionally, 14 people are listed as missing.
Starting on January 11, 2011, a series of floods and mudslides struck the Mountainous Region in the Brazilian state of Rio de Janeiro. The floods have caused at least 763 deaths so far, including 367 in the Nova Friburgo area and 310 in the city of Teresópolis. In a 24-hour period between January 11 and 12, 2011, this area of Brazil registered more rainfall than was expected for the entire month. Following the downpour, many areas in the region flooded. The disaster caused widespread property damage. Around 2960 people had their homes destroyed. The Brazilian local media has claimed that the combination of floods, mudslides and landslides in Rio de Janeiro has become the worst weather-related natural disaster in the country’s history. However, a similar flooding event occurred in 1967 when 1,700 people lost their lives.

No comments

Ajka Alumina Plant Accident

On October 4, 2010, approximately one million cubic meters of red mud was released from an alumina plant near Kolontár, in western Hungary. The ecological disaster occurred when the northwestern corner of the caustic waste dam at the Ajkai Timföldgyár alumina plant collapsed, releasing liquid waste from the red mud lakes. Red mud is a solid waste product of the Bayer process, which is the way industries refine bauxite to produce alumina. Alumina is then used in the production of aluminum metal. The toxic material presents one of the industry’s most challenging disposal problems. In most countries where red mud is produced, it is pumped into holding ponds, which need to be contained with large dams.
Due to the Bayer process, the red mud is highly basic with a pH ranging from 10 to 13. During the 2010 Ajka accident, the red mud was released as a 1–2 m (3–7 ft) wave, flooding several nearby localities, including the village of Kolontár and the town of Devecser. The high pH levels of the mud caused severe chemical burns to humans and animals, killing life in rivers and contaminating soil. At least nine people died and 122 people were injured. The chemicals extinguished all life in the 100 km (62 mi) long Marcal River.
On October 7, 2010, the red mud reached the Danube River, prompting countries, such as Slovakia, Croatia, Serbia, Romania, Bulgaria and Ukraine to develop emergency plans in response. The Danube is Europe’s second longest river. It is notable for being classified as an international waterway. On October 11, the Hungarian government announced that the managing director of the company involved with the disaster had been arrested, to be charged with “criminal negligence leading to a public catastrophe.” After the spill, emergency teams began pouring plaster and acetic acid (vinegar) into the Raba-Danube meeting point to lower the pH value.
After a government inquest, the Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán released a statement that indicated the cause of the spill was, presumably, human error. The Hungarian government has also said that the mud is “not poisonous” to humans. It has been suggested that the heavy metal concentrations are not continuing to impact the environment. On the hierarchy of industrial wastes, red mud is not as toxic as most. However, recent studies of the soil have indicated that a high level of salt in the ground is negatively impacting plant life. The ecological disaster remains one of the worst in the history of Hungary. Following the accident, a second dam was build directly behind the original to prevent the weakened wall from a complete failure.

No comments

Eyjafjallajökull is one of Iceland’s smaller ice caps, located in the far south of the island. It is situated to the north of Skógar and to the west of the larger ice cap, Mýrdalsjökull. Eyjafjallajökull covers the caldera of a volcano, with a summit elevation of 1,666 meters (5,466 ft). The volcano has erupted relatively frequently since the last ice age. Before 2010, the most recent major event was in 1920. The 2010 Eyjafjallajökull eruptions weren’t the largest ever recorded, but the subsequent ash clouds that were released caused an enormous disruption to air travel across western and northern Europe over a six day period in April 2010. It was the highest level of air travel disruption since the Second World War.
The most severe explosion occurred on April 14, 2010, and resulted in an estimated 250 million cubic meters (330,000,000 cu yd) of ejected tephra. The ash plume rose to a height of approximately 9 kilometers (30,000 ft). The subsequent air traffic closures caused millions of passengers to be stranded, not only in Europe, but across the world. Between the months of April and May, 2010, various regions, including Ireland, Scotland, the United Kingdom, Spain, Portugal, northern Italy and Austria, had to completely close their airspace. The volcano was able to inject its ash plume directly into the jet stream. The ash was then carried over Europe into some of the busiest airspace in the world.
Previous eruptions of Eyjafjallajökull have historically been followed by eruptions of its larger neighbor, Katla. In the past 1,000 years, all three known eruptions of Eyjafjallajökull have triggered a subsequent Katla event, often times within months of each other. Katla is one of the largest and more dangerous volcanoes in Iceland. On April 20, 2010, Icelandic President Ólafur Grímsson said “the time for Katla to erupt is coming close, we [Iceland] have prepared. It is high time for European governments and airline authorities all over Europe and the world to start planning for the eventual Katla eruption.” The International Air Transport Association (IATA) estimated that the airline industry worldwide lost €148 million (US$200 million, GB£130 million) a day during the air travel disruptions.

The Obvious Things Some Women Don’t Do (In Bed)

No comments

The Obvious Things Some Women Don’t Do (In Bed)

I picked up a Cosmo magazine on a whim last week and I came across a list of “60 Hands Free Ways to Wow Him”. It’s Cosmo so of course all 60 things contributed by different individuals were sex related. After reading and skimming over countless tips about oral sex I come across one or two that were more elaborate like keep your heels on while arching your back in a handstand position (okay… it didn’t say that), or subtle like brush your cheek against his shoulder. The elaborate tips weren’t as outrageous as my example but they did consist of pre planning and deliberate actions, and the subtle tips were geared toward soft touches that may make his body feel a certain way. It made me think what guy said this? Or how old is the man that made this suggestion? Surprise… Surprise the complicated and less straight forward tips were from women.

While we are plotting to have midgets swing from the ceiling, and hoping that a man can read our minds because we brushed past his hand, the only hands free thing most of these men wanted was a variation of a sexual act that’s been around for ages. The sad part is I wasn’t drawn to any of the suggestions from the male contributors of the list because they all seemed the same to me. As a woman a.k.a. “a natural over thinker” I was originally more interested in the tips that would make me stand out. However, realistically when you’re in the moment stopping to pull off some trick that he might not even notice or to do a technique that could probably make things awkward if not executed flawlessly may not be the best way to “wow him”. For example # 44 Lick his eyelids then blow on your saliva (Really though!?) Can you imagine how many ways that can go wrong?

There is nothing wrong with spicing things up every once in a while but sometimes its best to take the natural approach to the most natural act since the beginning of time. We are so busy trying to figure out ways to “wow him” that we are ignoring the simplest things he may want. Therefore, missing the entire point of pleasing the person you are with.

1 comment

Mistress Rules Part 2: Girlfriends Can’t Behave like Mistresses

I posted a piece last year titled The Mistress Rules about the guidelines that mistresses follow. My intention was to keep girlfriends/ wives one step ahead of the “other woman”. After being with men who had mistresses and after unintentionally becoming one for a very very very short moment (I’m not proud of it), what has come to my attention is the modern day girlfriend or wife thinks that if we give our men everything that he is getting from the other women then he’ll stop cheating.

When you think about it, in theory it makes sense but it is no longer true. We used to think that if a man cheats because his woman is not adventurous enough in the bedroom, it would seem that the easiest solution would be for her to stop the prude behavior and enjoy his kinky ride no pun intended. But as we advance psychologically and sexually the reasons why men cheat are not so cut and dry.

What we forget (and I have said this a million times) is that sometimes when men seek pleasures or attention from other women it’s simply because they are not you. A man may enjoy the strip club every now and then but if he walked in and saw his woman on the pole, it would completely change the experience and most likely not in a good way. So deciding to fulfill whatever void he’s trying to fill by emulating his mistresses behavior could blow up in your face.

Here a few things that a mistress does that wives and girlfriends shouldn’t:

Sending Pictures and Videos of Yourself
Though your man may spend a certain amount of time looking at random naked women or requesting risqué pictures from other women he flirts with, sending a random photo or video of yourself can be a flop. Why? He has already seen what you have, and if you have an active sex life he has seen it A LOT. Just because you snooped and saw a picture of another woman’s lady parts on his phone, do not take it as a cue to do the same. Otherwise, do not be surprised when the result is a mediocre reception from him with lack luster compliments for lack of anything else to say. Further more you are left feeling rejected, and above all else embarrassed because you sent your “stuff” through the mail and the package was not well received. This can lead to future self consciousness about being sexually adventurous with your man. Save it for when the both of you have been apart because of work, vacations, etc. If he misses seeing your body and he’s into that stuff he’ll ask.

**This also includes “Sexting”. When a girl he hasn’t slept with that he is attracted to sends him the “I want you so bad right now” text, believe that he gets excited and this opens up a whole new door of texts, that you find inappropriate and disrespectful because he’s not having this conversation with you. Don’t try to recreate these conversations with him without some subtle prompting on his end. It’s all about timing. Like I said if you haven’t slept together in a while and know the feeling is mutual then go for it.

Playing Hard to Get

Sometimes the most intriguing thing about the other woman is that she is inconsistent. She doesn’t send the same cute messages or ask the same monotonous questions about his day. Her text messages don’t come at the same time daily. He is often surprised if she contacts him because if she’s smart she is letting him chase her. Girlfriends can not do this. Even if you have the same routine for contacting each other daily i.e. the morning text, the afternoon “how’s work” check in, and the evening “are you coming over?” question, changing it abruptly will not work in your advantage. Deciding to forcefully make him miss you can result in him gradually forgetting you and the new routine becomes silence on both ends.

Do Not Become a Copy Cat

Some mistresses grab your man’s attention because she is doing something you are not. However, in other instances it can be a bit tricky… both of you are great cooks, make him laugh, share his interests etc. What happens here is that after the girlfriend or wife eliminates all of the emotional reasons he could be cheating, she turns to the physical reasons. The worst thing to do is try to look like her or change yourself to compete with her physically.

I remember when I found out one of my exes was cheating on me. I knew who the girl was and I analyzed the heck out of the situation to figure out what she had that I didn’t. I was out spoken and she was kind of meek. She was older. She was taller; she had a few talents that I didn’t. I concluded that she wasn’t better than me, we were just different. I won’t lie I did attempt to be a little more calm and less outgoing, I vamped up the wardrobe to have a more mature look but I ended up not liking myself. First, because I wasn’t being real with myself. Second, because he didn’t notice or stop seeing the other girl anyway.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every time I post a piece about cheating I get the same mixed response. Men either feel attacked, or exposed, and women agree/relate or say they don’t need the information because their man will never cheat or they just won’t tolerate it. Personally, after being cheated on a few times do I think that all men are the same? Not really. I think that everyone has an outlet that may not be accepted by the person they are currently with. This outlet can be a detriment to the relationship if certain lines are crossed. By no means am I accepting that I may get cheated on again one day or lowering my standards to commit to someone wholeheartedly who can’t or won’t wholeheartedly commit to me. However, I think people have to be realistic about their expectations. If you are with a cheater he/ she won’t stop this behavior overnight or maybe never because you keep letting it happen. Also, you can’t assume that the person you are with is perfect. Trust me it helps to curb the random and not so random disappointments.

No comments

The Mistress Rules

There are a lot of people talking and speculating about the Alicia Keys debacle. Her situation has reignited the concern and controversy of women questioning why are men having affairs? It also has women all over the world pointing fingers: Some claim it’s the man’s fault and others strongly believe it’s the fault of the mistress.

We all know it takes two to have an affair. Alicia Keys is not the first women to be a mistress nor will she be the last. Instead of bashing her or delving into “why men cheat?”… I’m more interested in figuring out: What goes through a woman’s mind when she decides to become a mistress?
Women who have been in this situation will argue that they never decided to be a mistress because they don’t purposely go looking for men who are married or in committed relationships. However, it can be easily argued that once it is clear that the object of your affection is taken it then becomes your decision on whether or not you will continue the relationship.

I found a site that had 49 articles written by women who are/have been mistresses reflecting on what they have learned from being “the other woman”. All of them except one had the same regretful tone where the author exclaimed that they never meant to fall in love with a married man, and once they fell in love they couldn’t stay away. Among the sob stories, were many articles that told the age old story of a man who told their mistress that they were not happy in their marriage, and that they were working on a divorce.
One woman, Jennifer Kramer took a different approach and wrote “The Mistress Rules” where she lays out several guidelines for other mistresses to follow and understand based on her own experiences. What was going through this mistress’ mind? It wasn’t that she was hoping to take this man away, it was: “I know what I’m getting myself into, so I need to figure out a way to protect myself.”

Below are some of the rules Ms. Kramer compiled, and my interpretation on how it can affect the wives/girlfriends at home.

Rule #1: Don't confuse sex with love.
Her first rule should be the most obvious, but it’s the number one reason why the mistresses get caught up. They somehow made themselves believe that because he is willing to share his body the same way they are that it means the same thing. It’s been proven several times: Men don’t attach their emotions to sex! For a wife/girlfriend the idea that the affair is no more than sex means nothing because women do attach their emotions to sex, therefore it is understandable why the wife would think this as a very big deal.

Rule #2: Don't snoop if you don't want to know
In other words, a mistress should not investigate about his life outside of the affair because she just might find that she really does not fit into his real life. Wives on the other hand, may find that their husbands prefer their alternate bachelor lives.

Rule #3: You can have affairs too! /Rule #4: Live in the moment.

If the mistress is aware that the affair can end at any moment should the wife/girlfriend wait for it the affair to be over? That is up to the person being cheated on. Mistresses are aware that their whole relationship is based on running around with a cheating man so they have the same fear that a wife has about their cheating husband… “Will he find someone else?”

Rule #5: Accept all gifts

Apparently the author of these rules believes that if the cheater is giving the mistress a gift it’s because he wants to do so no matter if his motivation is to keep them quiet or to equate them to a prostitute. Here’s my problem with that…Before the mistress came along his money was spent on shared bills and other financial responsibilities so now the wife’s home or kids have to be in the same budget as the trips and gifts for the mistress.

Rule #6: The moment he’s ready to leave his wife... get out!
This only goes for the mistresses who are not in it to win it. Unfortunately, getting the husband to leave his family is the ultimate goal of most mistresses. The mistress who has no intention to settle down with your man is the worst kind because when he declares his love to another woman and is shut down, he crawls back to his wife (who might take him back and leave the door open to start this vicious cycle all over again).

Rule #7: Once a cheater always a cheater
This is another motivation for the previous rule which means that the mistress doesn’t want to settle down with a cheater. The reasoning behind this rule is quite hypocritical… A cheater may always be a cheater just like a home wrecker will always be a home wrecker.

Rule #8: If you think this is his first affair, think again.

Duh!!

Rule #9: Eventually you will have to play the disappearing act.
There are times where the mistress is asked to play the game and pretend that she doesn’t know your husband/boyfriend in public. Wives/ girlfriends should not be fooled by this. If you know he’s cheating don’t misconstrue the face time he is spending with you as a sign that his affair is over… take it a sign that it’s more acceptable to be seen with you in public than his mistress.

This information is crucial to the woman being cheated on because if you are aware and decide to deal with it you should know what you are up against. When it is all said and done the mistress may have a moment of morality and feel guilty but mostly she is frustrated with having to share, and her bad feelings have nothing to do with ruining your relationship. Now that you know maybe the mistress won't rule.

No comments

The Rubber Band Effect: Getting Him to Want to Spend Time with You

I was reading the May issue of Cosmopolitan magazine and they had an article called “Your Secret Love Weapon” by Robin Hilmantel. The article speaks about the moment in a relationship where the guy starts to back away.

This was the first Cosmo article that I ever pulled out a highlighter to take note of certain points because this pattern has been a needle in my side when it comes to relationships. I understand that eventually people run out of things to talk about so frequently but it bothers me that the desire to spend time talking to and hanging out with someone we really like or love decreases. For me, communication is comparable to the spark in the relationship. If we stop talking or seeing each other then I see it as a direct reflection of how much a person actually wants to be in a relationship with me

I’m the type of person who is able to text a guy I’m seeing all day back and forth. This is not because I’m clingy but because I enjoy communicating with someone who is always on my mind. If they reciprocate with a text or phone call, then a conversation for however long will occur. What I find is that in the beginning of my relationships the constant desire for conversation and contact is shared. I’ll wake up everyday to a “good morning sunshine” text, and go to bed with a promise to talk again tomorrow. The conversation is usually only ending because one of us is beyond exhausted due to the day we each had at work. Eventually, the “good morning” texts stop coming or are very few and far between. The daily conversations turn into a check in periodically throughout the day. Lastly, the face to face interactions also decrease and become a non-confirmed “maybe date” on the weekends.

In my experience every time the communication began to disappear the relationship eventually did as well. From the outside looking in it seems to be common sense. Every one who has a successful relationship always gives credit to communication. I know that most of what they are referring to has to do with sharing their wants and needs with their partner. For me in addition to sharing the emotional stuff, it boils down to quality time.

In the article the author refers to a moment all women can relate to. The moment when a woman is texting a guy who has been MIA and still gets no response. Then when she decides to not text him for a night she’ll end up with more than one message from that guy before the night is over. The Rubber Band Effect as described in the article is imagining that: “there’s a giant rubber band around you and your guy. Anytime he seems to be getting distant, the best counteractive tactic is to pull away yourself. When you do so, you cause that virtual elastic to stretch… and suddenly, he feels the urge to spring back to you.”

The author suggests that when a guy starts to back away then you should do the same. Not as a way to play a game of cat and mouse but to restore balance and desire in a relationship by reading the signs that he needs space. The article breaks down the three stages of relationships where a guy could lose interest if you appear to be too available. These stages are the initial meeting, when you have been dating for a few months, and when you are in a mutual long term commitment. As I usually make it through the first five minutes I focused on the advice from the second and third stages. Here are some gems of advice the author quoted from psychologists and experts that made me understand my behavior/ the error of my ways and gave me insight on how to change the pattern:

In the first few months:

"Guys need time apart to test and whether being with a particular woman is really what they want they want, whereas women try to spend even more time as a couple to figure out if they’re compatible with that guy." - Denise Budden Potts, PhD ( Psychologist)

“It’s called mate-value economic…Women who are too easy to attract are perceived as less desirable” – David Buss, PhD (Evolutionary psychology researcher and professor at University of Texas at Austin

(After spending time apart) “…When he initiates coupley one-on-one time, you know for sure it’s because he’s ready, not because he feels obligated.” – Daniel Ellensberg, PhD (Relationship Expert)

In a long term commitment:

“When it comes to couple time, you want quality, not quantity… If you have been happily occupied and he’s had a chance to miss you, being together will feel as exciting and fulfilling as when you first met.” - Denise Budden Potts, PhD ( Psychologist)

What a lot of the advice in this article boils down to is getting your own life. Though I have my own hobbies I’ll admit to becoming wrapped up in my relationship enough to spend more time on him, and us, rather than on myself. Eventually, my hobbies are his hobbies or our hobbies. When he needs space and I’m not engaging in his or our hobbies because he’s not there, then I don’t know what to do with myself, and the gaps in between communication might as well be gaping holes because I’m not filling them with me time.

So I have resolved to get a life, enjoy hobbies that allow me to step away from the computer and my writing to explore new things or delve further into the things I enjoy like art and music as well as meet some new and interesting people. I talked about this a little bit in a post I did a while ago but now I’m taking it to the next level.

As my Facebook status flashes my single status to the world I’m cashing in on the me time I have until someone decides to “put a ring on it”. I started a new section on the blog called Every “Single” Weekend highlighting all of the date nights where I’m dating myself. I think it's important to mention that I'm not getting a life so that I can get any man to miss me. Part of the motivation does have to do with getting into the habit of treating myself and getting out more, so that if I am in a committed relationship again he does not get bored because I'm always at his disposal. The other part is learning how to have fun on my own, and cherishing that time a much as I do the company of whatever man I'm seeing.

No comments

CAN ONE LIVE IN ADULTERY?

I know there has been a lot of discussion about living in adultery. The person who divorces his mate for a reason other than fornication and marries another is living in an adulterous marriage and the woman who has been divorced for a reason other than fornication and marries someone else is living in adultery. The person who marries her is living in adultery.

There are some who deny that you can live in adultery. They say that adultery is an act. I realize that adultery is an act, but the Bible teaches that you can live in adultery. Paul asks the question, "How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" . Can a person live in sin? Well, the Holy Spirit taught that you can. This does not mean that every moment you live you are committing a sinful act. It means you are living in a state of sin. You are living separated from God. Paul wrote, "Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them" . Paul here says that the Colossians once lived in fornication. Fornication is a generic term used for "all kinds of unlawful sexual intercourse" (See Thayer). One form of unlawful sexual intercourse is adultery. So, if it is possible to live in fornication it is possible to live in adultery. That does not mean that you are continually involved in the act, it means you are living in a sinful relationship. The sin of adultery is separating you from God. Until you turn from that sinful relationship you are living in sin. In order to quit living in adultery, you must seek God's forgiveness. In seeking God's forgiveness you must meet His conditions of forgiveness. One of His conditions of forgiveness is repentance. You must turn away from your sin. When you do that, you are no longer living in sin.

1 comment

HOW LONG IS YOUR FIRST MARRIAGE TO LAST?

The Bible is very clear in it's teaching concerning how long God wants you to stay married to the first person you marry. The inspired apostle Paul wrote, "A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord". Isn't this clear? When you marry, you are bound by God's law to be married to your spouse as long as both of you are living. According to God's law you are free to marry someone else ONLY AFTER your spouse dies.

Paul again addresses this subject in the book of Romans. "For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man" . This passage teaches the same thing that teaches but in addition tells us that the woman who marries someone else while her husband is living is guilty of adultery. You are bound by God's law to your spouse as long as he/she lives. If you marry someone else while your spouse is living you are guilty of adultery. If your spouse dies, you are free to marry someone else and will not be guilty of adultery (provided the person you marry can scripturally marry).

So, according to these two passages, God's law is that you remain married to the first person you marry, and only that person, "as long as you both shall live." These two passages give no exception to this rule. Thus, when you enter in to marriage, you must do so with the intent of it being a lifelong commitment and relationship. It is "in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, so long as you both shall live."

There is another thing that we learn from these passages. God's will is that a MAN and a WOMAN marry each other. This means that the two people who enter into a marriage must be mature enough to be considered a man and a woman. In other words, children are not to be marrying. Too many marriages end in divorce because those people who enter into it are just too immature to handle the responsibilities. So, you young people who are reading this and considering marriage: Be sure you are mature enough to handle the responsibilities! If you are not, then put that marriage off for a while. Give yourself time to "grow up" so that you can deal with the various problems and joys of marriage.

There is one more thing we need to point out: God's law specifies that marriage is to be between a male and a female . God's law does not recognize homosexual marriages. Those marriages are an abomination to Him. Paul shows God's disapproval of homosexuality . He wrote, "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God." Here, the Bible clearly teaches that homosexuality does not please God. In fact, you can see the terrible sins it is listed with and the terrible consequences of it's practice. Homosexuality will keep one out of heaven. It's just that simple. The Holy Spirit through Paul clearly describes homosexuality. Then in verse thirty one he says, "who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them." If those who practice such things as homosexuality are worthy of death, do you think God would approve of homosexuals marrying each other? Of course not! According to God's law, marriage is to take place between two adults, one of which is male and the other a female.

No comments

MARRIAGE, DIVORCE AND REMARRIAG

One of the greatest needs in the world today is for people to recognize and abide by the law of God concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage. There are very few families who are not affected by divorce. This is just as true of families in the church of Christ as it is of those who are in the world.

One of the reasons this is so, is that we are not teaching on this subject as we should. Some elderships will not allow this subject to be studied from their pulpits. Some preachers will not preach on it because they don't want to deal with "controversial" subjects. Some will not preach on it because they don't want to lose their paychecks. Some won't preach on it, because they have never studied it and don't really know what they believe about it. Some preach on it and shouldn't because they believe and teach false doctrine on the subject.

There are some preachers and elders and other members in the church who say they have "restudied" this subject because either they or someone close to them have been divorced and remarried. Because of who is involved, they now take a different view than they did before. However, no matter who may change their minds, God's word has not changed. It still teaches what it taught when it was first written. God's attitude toward divorce has not changed. His attitude is still the same as it was in Malachi's day.

With these things in mind I would like to study with you the subject of marriage, divorce and remarriage. I would like to begin by asking a question:

No comments

It is the observing of these three primary forces on the part of the man that makes it possible for a woman to be a woman! This is what every husband should know -- that he creates the atmosphere that makes it possible for her to supply those womanly qualities that complement his manly ones and make a home what God intended a home to be. It is only as he exerts his leadership in this three-fold area that she finds it fully possible to manifest those qualities which God has placed within her. Therefore, a happy marriage begins with the man.

Peter has one final point to make. It is a word of warning. Failure by the husband to observe these things, he says, means spiritual poverty in that home. "Your prayers will be hindered." Prayer represents our whole spiritual relationship with God. If you can not pray to God, your spiritual relationship to Him is in trouble. It is only God that can make human life worth living, and a man is a fool who tries to find a worthy life apart from God. That is the whole thrust of the Gospel message. It is only in a restoration to God through Jesus Christ that man can find the intended worth and glory of life. And prayer, that sense of dependence, that expression of faith that makes possible all of God's giving unto men, is hindered when man fails to fulfill his role and responsibility within the home.

So this is what every husband should know about the marriage relationship. Men, some of us have a lot of work to do in this area. We have not been the kind of husbands that we ought to be. We have taken our wives for granted. We have not valued them as we should. We have shut down the lines of communication. We have not taken our place as understanding leaders in the home. Why not determine right now that you will put Peter's teaching into practice in your life. Love your wife as much as you love yourself. Treat her as you would treat yourself. It will certainly pay dividends now in your life, and in the life that is to come.

No comments

The third area that Peter speaks of is that the husband understand the need for unlimited sharing of his own life with his wife in the most important part of his life - his spiritual life. You are "heirs together of the grace of life."

This means that a husband must recognize his wife's right to share in this most important aspect of his life. Too many husbands have the idea that the religious part of their families' life is to be led by their wives. They think it is unmanly to be religious or spiritually minded. Men, there is nothing more important to your family and to your wife than your spiritual leadership. It was Paul who wrote in Ephesians 6:4, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Certainly the wife has a great responsibility in this area, but the husband must be the leader in bringing up his children in the training (instruction) and admonition (warning) of the Lord.

The husband must also share every other aspect of his life with his wife. All the barriers must come down between them, all the channels of communication must be open. There are no off-limit areas that he keeps separate from his wife. One of the greatest complaints that wives have in regard to their husbands is that they don't listen to them. The communication is "one way." Husbands, listen to your wife. Listen to her concerns. Listen to her complaints. Listen to her desires. Listen to her when she tells you about her day.

If there is one thing I've come to appreciate after all these years of married life, it is that your wife needs for you to listen to her and be concerned about her thoughts and feelings -- about those things that are important to her. Those things that are important to her ought to be of extreme importance to you, if you truly love her. Husbands, most of the time, your wife is not looking for you to solve all her problems, she just wants you to listen to her problems and concerns. Here is the way we men are. We think our wives tell us all these things because they want us to solve the problems, so we start to give solutions to her problems, telling her what to do and what to say in different circumstances. That is not why they tell us these things. They tell us because they need for us to listen to them -- to support them -- to make them feel that they can trust us.

This does not mean that the husband and wife must always participate in everything together. It does not mean that the wife will always want to do everything the husband does or the husband will always want to do everything the wife does, or that they have to. It does mean that he does not try to hide anything from her, nor her from him. There is to be no outside activity or person that he would love more than her other than God. The wife should never have to worry that she has to compete with something in her husbands life or that he considers something to be more important than her. This relates again to that central need of a woman to have first place in her husband's love. He must understand that women were made to be helpmeets, partners . What good is a partner if she is excluded from some particular area of your life? Husbands, you have to open the doors of communication with your wife.

No comments

GIVING HONOR TO THE WIFE

Then Peter says that the husband must be "...giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel." What does this mean?

Someone once said, "That means helping her with the dishes when she has a headache." I'm sure that is a part of what Peter had in mind when he said this, but what Peter says here reflects the wife's deepest emotional need. First, when Peter says that the husband must dwell with his wife with understanding, he shows that it is possible for men to understand their wives. One of the first and most important things that we husbands must understand about our wives is reflected in what God said to Eve in the Garden of Eden after she sinned as recorded in , "your desire shall be for your husband." Another translation says, "You shall long for your husband." That is, for his love, his protection, his leadership. It is imperative to a woman that she feel secure in her husband's love. That she be secure in the protection he can provide for her, both physical and emotional. Therefore, it is the husband's job to make her feel highly regarded, to honor her, to value her, to protect her. It is as Paul puts it in Ephesians 5, to love her as his own body, to show honor to her under all conditions, to honor and love her "just as Christ also loved the church," Not because she is always lovable, but simply because he has determined to love her. This, according to Peter, is man's second great responsibility in marriage.

The husband must show courtesy and thoughtful consideration to his wife under every conceivable circumstance. This means that one of the most devastating things that can occur in marriage is for the husband to become critical toward his wife, treating her with scorn, or being sarcastic toward her. This is one of the major causes of unhappiness in marriage, for such an attitude threatens the basic nature of woman. It is the man's job to make his wife feel that she is important to him and never to let his love turn into taking her for granted.

Husbands, think about when you were first married. Do you still value your wife as much as you did then? It is interesting to note that this is the most common complaint of wives to marriage counselors. They say, "My husband just takes me for granted. To him I'm another piece of furniture around the house. I'm only important to him for what I do for him, not for who I am." This means that a wife is being threatened at the very deepest level of her life. She no longer feels secure in her husband's love, and she reacts in a negative way.

Her reaction is often viewed as unreasonable by her husband. Perhaps a man comes home with no idea that anything is wrong, and he makes some routine statement and to his surprise his wife gets angry and runs out of the room crying, and the poor man is left there in his bewilderment, saying to himself, "What did I do? What did I say?" But something has threatened his wife's feeling of security in his love (perhaps unconsciously) and thus this "strange" reaction. If he gets angry himself it only confirms her suspicions and increases the viciousness of the circle, for then she is sure that she is not secure in his love any longer. But the understanding husband soon learns that what he needs to do is to be considerate and thoughtful, and above all, not to raise his voice and react in a way that will confirm her suspicions. Therefore the wise husband learns that in times like this it is necessary to be quiet, loving, and considerate, and thus he will restore her trust in him.

Another way a threatened wife may react is by self-protection. If her insecurity goes on long enough a wife will try to build a life for herself apart from her husband. She will try to erect barriers to protect her from getting hurt. This is such a sensitive area of a woman's nature that she tries to build barricades around herself. Every understanding husband must learn to avoid any unconscious threat to his wife's feeling of being loved. When he sees this happening he must show love all the more. That is why the Bible speaks so powerfully and simply, "Husbands, love your wives." This is the husband's great responsibility in the home.

No comments

DWELL WITH THEM WITH UNDERSTANDING

In this verse, the Apostle Peter puts his finger squarely on the primary role of the husband in marriage -- that of knowledgeable leadership. "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding." This emphasizes the responsibility of the husband in giving understanding leadership in his home. Every man is ultimately responsible to God for what his home becomes. This is what the Scriptures consistently teach.

In writing to the Corinthians the Apostle Paul says, "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." Here the Holy Spirit through Paul puts the responsibility of the husband to exercise leadership in the home within the framework of total leadership in the universe. The head of the woman is the man, and that means that the man must take his responsibility as head seriously.

This is a role for which woman was not made, and essentially a role that she does not want. I know it is popular to make jokes about henpecked husbands (and certainly there is evidence that such exists), but having observed married couples for a long time, and having personal involvement in marriage for over 30 years, it seems to me that the problem is not so much due to the wife seeking leadership, as it is the refusal of the husband to assume his responsibility of leadership.

It is difficult to understand how men can give themselves to responsible and knowledgeable leadership in work and other areas of life, but when they get home they expect everything to go along all right and turn out well in the end -- without any thought, direction, or leadership on their part. We call the wives the homemakers, but it is usually the husband who chooses the values that go into his home. It is the father who ought to take the leadership in deciding what is to be important in the home. True, it's often the mother who implements this choice and upon her falls the responsibility for carrying out much of it, but by and large, it is the man who makes the choice of what the home will be, whether he does it consciously or unconsciously. There is built into the man's nature, by divine mandate, not only a responsibility but a desire to do this.

It is the man who determines whether the family will be sports-fanatics or book lovers or both; whether they are travelers or stay-at-homers; whether it is a family that emphasizes personal integrity in their relationships, or who are manipulators; whether they are spiritually minded or materially minded. Almost always the values of the family are determined by the husband/father. This is also, therefore, where men most frequently fail in marriage. We do not exert leadership and give understanding direction to the home. Even if we do give some kind of leadership, it is not thoughtful or intelligent -- it is not "according to understanding," as Peter says. We simply drift along, making the best of things according to the way we feel at the moment. Thus there is no leadership at all, or at best unbalanced leadership.

Many marriage counselors dealing in this area have pointed out that in our American life, we don't teach men to be men. Therefore, many men grow up and get married who are nothing more than grown-up little boys, still looking for mothers rather than wives. They want someone to serve their physical needs, keep them well fed and happy, and soothe their egos when they get hurt. They want someone to wait on them, to be there to fulfill whatever demand they may make. But that is not the proper role of a wife, and that is why Peter's first word to men is: Understand what a marriage ought to be, what the rules are, what is expected of you according to the Word of God. Because what a home will be is determined primarily by the husband.

If the man does not fulfill his responsibility of leadership in the home, then the wife has to take that responsibility, thereby forcing her to assume a role for which she is not made, and as I have already suggested, she does not basically and essentially desire.

One way men fail in this is by unbalanced leadership. They think that their major concern is to make a living, and it is the wife's job to run the home. They give their whole attention to the business of making money so they can provide the comforts of modern life for their family. Most American men do a commendable job along this line by the way. They take this responsibility (which is properly part of their responsibility in marriage) very seriously, but then they leave the rest of it to their wives. They take no active part in teaching their children the Bible. They take no active part in helping their wives teach and practice sound moral values. They take little or no part in disciplining their children. The husband makes a small part of life his primary concern while the rest of life, with the greatest and most important values within it, is left wholly for the wife. But this is a denial of what Peter suggests that man's first responsibility is. To exercise understanding leadership. Men must act with understanding, he says, and choose intelligently what comes into their homes. This is the number one responsibility of the husband in the home.

Design by Free WordPress Themes | Bloggerized by Lasantha - Premium Blogger Themes | cheap international calls

Categories

Followers

This is the one where we can see

This is featured post 2 title

This is featured post 3 title

This is featured post 4 title

This is featured post 5 title

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Libya crisis: Doha meeting seeks to raise $2.5bn aid

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Apple delivers first Mac OS X Lion update

European leaders call for action as economy hits wall

Who in the world is most in debt?

World's 10 largest economies

The 10 key myths about Osama bin Laden

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Obvious Things Some Women Don’t Do (In Bed)

Mistress Rules Part 2: Girlfriends Can’t Behave like Mistresses

The Mistress Rules

The Rubber Band Effect: Getting Him to Want to Spend Time with You

Popular Posts

Categories

Archives