The Obvious Things Some Women Don’t Do (In Bed)

The Obvious Things Some Women Don’t Do (In Bed)

 

 I picked up a Cosmo magazine on a whim last week and I came across a list of “60 Hands Free Ways to  Wow Him”. It’s Cosmo so of course all 60 things contributed by different individuals were sex related. After reading and skimming over countless tips about oral sex I come across one or two that were more elaborate like keep your heels on while arching your back in a handstand position (okay… it didn’t say that), or subtle like brush your cheek against his shoulder. The elaborate tips weren’t as outrageous as my example but they did consist of pre planning and deliberate actions, and the subtle tips were geared toward soft touches that may make his body feel a certain way. It made me think what guy said this? Or how old is the man that made this suggestion? Surprise… Surprise the complicated and less straight forward tips were from women.

While we are plotting to have midgets swing from the ceiling, and hoping that a man can read our minds because we brushed past his hand, the only hands free thing most of these men wanted was a variation of a sexual act that’s been around for ages. The sad part is I wasn’t drawn to any of the suggestions from the male contributors of the list because they all seemed the same to me. As a woman a.k.a. “a natural over thinker” I was originally more interested in the tips that would make me stand out. However, realistically when you’re in the moment stopping to pull off some trick that he might not even notice or to do a technique that could probably make things awkward if not executed flawlessly may not be the best way to “wow him”. For example # 44 Lick his eyelids then blow on your saliva (Really though!?) Can you imagine how many ways that can go wrong?

There is nothing wrong with spicing things up every once in a while but sometimes its best to take the natural approach to the most natural act since the beginning of time. We are so busy trying to figure out ways to “wow him” that we are ignoring the simplest things he may want. Therefore, missing the entire point of pleasing the person you are with.

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Mistress Rules Part 2: Girlfriends Can’t Behave like Mistresses

Mistress Rules Part 2: Girlfriends Can’t Behave like Mistresses 

 

I posted a piece last year titled The Mistress Rules about the guidelines that mistresses follow. My intention was to keep girlfriends/ wives one step ahead of the “other woman”. After being with men who had mistresses and after unintentionally becoming one for a very very very short moment (I’m not proud of it), what has come to my attention is the modern day girlfriend or wife thinks that if we give our men everything that he is getting from the other women then he’ll stop cheating.


When you think about it, in theory it makes sense but it is no longer true.  We used to think that if a man cheats because his woman is not adventurous enough in the bedroom, it would seem that the easiest solution would be for her to stop the prude behavior and enjoy his kinky ride no pun intended. But as we advance psychologically and sexually the reasons why men cheat are not so cut and dry.

What we forget (and I have said this a million times) is that sometimes when men seek pleasures or attention from other women it’s simply because they are not you. A man may enjoy the strip club every now and then but if he walked in and saw his woman on the pole, it would completely change the experience and most likely not in a good way. So deciding to fulfill whatever void he’s trying to fill by emulating his mistresses behavior could blow up in your face.

Here a few things that a mistress does that wives and girlfriends shouldn’t:

Sending Pictures and Videos of Yourself
Though your man may spend a certain amount of time looking at random naked women or requesting risqué pictures from other women he flirts with, sending a random photo or video of yourself can be a flop. Why? He has already seen what you have, and if you have an active sex life he has seen it A LOT. Just because you snooped and saw a picture of another woman’s lady parts on his phone, do not take it as a cue to do the same. Otherwise, do not be surprised when the result is a mediocre reception from him with lack luster compliments for lack of anything else to say. Further more you are left feeling rejected, and above all else embarrassed because you sent your “stuff” through the mail and the package was not well received. This can lead to future self consciousness about being sexually adventurous with your man. Save it for when the both of you have been apart because of work, vacations, etc. If he misses seeing your body and he’s into that stuff he’ll ask.


**This also includes “Sexting”. When a girl he hasn’t slept with that he is attracted to sends him the “I want you so bad right now” text, believe that he gets excited and this opens up a whole new door of texts, that you find inappropriate and disrespectful because he’s not having this conversation with you. Don’t try to recreate these conversations with him without some subtle prompting on his end. It’s all about timing. Like I said if you haven’t slept together in a while and know the feeling is mutual then go for it.



Playing Hard to Get

Sometimes the most intriguing thing about the other woman is that she is inconsistent. She doesn’t send the same cute messages or ask the same monotonous questions about his day. Her text messages don’t come at the same time daily. He is often surprised if she contacts him because if she’s smart she is letting him chase her. Girlfriends can not do this. Even if you have the same routine for contacting each other daily i.e. the morning text, the afternoon “how’s work” check in, and the evening “are you coming over?” question, changing it abruptly will not work in your advantage. Deciding to forcefully make him miss you can result in him gradually forgetting you and the new routine becomes silence on both ends.



Do Not Become a Copy Cat

Some mistresses grab your man’s attention because she is doing something you are not. However, in other instances it can be a bit tricky… both of you are great cooks, make him laugh, share his interests etc. What happens here is that after the girlfriend or wife eliminates all of the emotional reasons he could be cheating, she turns to the physical reasons. The worst thing to do is try to look like her or change yourself to compete with her physically.

I remember when I found out one of my exes was cheating on me. I knew who the girl was and I analyzed the heck out of the situation to figure out what she had that I didn’t. I was out spoken and she was kind of meek. She was older. She was taller; she had a few talents that I didn’t. I concluded that she wasn’t better than me, we were just different. I won’t lie I did attempt to be a little more calm and less outgoing, I vamped up the wardrobe to have a more mature look but I ended up not liking myself. First, because I wasn’t being real with myself. Second, because he didn’t notice or stop seeing the other girl anyway.


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Every time I post a piece about cheating I get the same mixed response. Men either feel attacked, or exposed, and women agree/relate or say they don’t need the information because their man will never cheat or they just won’t tolerate it. Personally, after being cheated on a few times do I think that all men are the same? Not really. I think that everyone has an outlet that may not be accepted by the person they are currently with. This outlet can be a detriment to the relationship if certain lines are crossed. By no means am I accepting that I may get cheated on again one day or lowering my standards to commit to someone wholeheartedly who can’t or won’t wholeheartedly commit to me. However, I think people have to be realistic about their expectations. If you are with a cheater he/ she won’t stop this behavior overnight or maybe never because you keep letting it happen. Also, you can’t assume that the person you are with is perfect. Trust me it helps to curb the random and not so random disappointments.

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The Mistress Rules

The Mistress Rules 

There are a lot of people talking and speculating about the Alicia Keys debacle. Her situation has reignited the concern and controversy of women questioning why are men having affairs? It also has women all over the world pointing fingers: Some claim it’s the man’s fault and others strongly believe it’s the fault of the mistress.

We all know it takes two to have an affair. Alicia Keys is not the first women to be a mistress nor will she be the last. Instead of bashing her or delving into “why men cheat?”… I’m more interested in figuring out: What goes through a woman’s mind when she decides to become a mistress?
Women who have been in this situation will argue that they never decided to be a mistress because they don’t purposely go looking for men who are married or in committed relationships. However, it can be easily argued that once it is clear that the object of your affection is taken it then becomes your decision on whether or not you will continue the relationship.

I found a site that had 49 articles written by women who are/have been mistresses reflecting on what they have learned from being “the other woman”. All of them except one had the same regretful tone where the author exclaimed that they never meant to fall in love with a married man, and once they fell in love they couldn’t stay away. Among the sob stories, were many articles that told the age old story of a man who told their mistress that they were not happy in their marriage, and that they were working on a divorce.
One woman, Jennifer Kramer took a different approach and wrote “The Mistress Rules” where she lays out several guidelines for other mistresses to follow and understand based on her own experiences. What was going through this mistress’ mind? It wasn’t that she was hoping to take this man away, it was: “I know what I’m getting myself into, so I need to figure out a way to protect myself.”

Below are some of the rules Ms. Kramer compiled, and my interpretation on how it can affect the wives/girlfriends at home.

Rule #1: Don't confuse sex with love.
Her first rule should be the most obvious, but it’s the number one reason why the mistresses get caught up. They somehow made themselves believe that because he is willing to share his body the same way they are that it means the same thing. It’s been proven several times: Men don’t attach their emotions to sex! For a wife/girlfriend the idea that the affair is no more than sex means nothing because women do attach their emotions to sex, therefore it is understandable why the wife would think this as a very big deal.

Rule #2: Don't snoop if you don't want to know
In other words, a mistress should not investigate about his life outside of the affair because she just might find that she really does not fit into his real life. Wives on the other hand, may find that their husbands prefer their alternate bachelor lives.


Rule #3: You can have affairs too! /Rule #4: Live in the moment.

If the mistress is aware that the affair can end at any moment should the wife/girlfriend wait for it the affair to be over? That is up to the person being cheated on. Mistresses are aware that their whole relationship is based on running around with a cheating man so they have the same fear that a wife has about their cheating husband… “Will he find someone else?”

Rule #5: Accept all gifts

Apparently the author of these rules believes that if the cheater is giving the mistress a gift it’s because he wants to do so no matter if his motivation is to keep them quiet or to equate them to a prostitute. Here’s my problem with that…Before the mistress came along his money was spent on shared bills and other financial responsibilities so now the wife’s home or kids have to be in the same budget as the trips and gifts for the mistress.

Rule #6: The moment he’s ready to leave his wife... get out!
This only goes for the mistresses who are not in it to win it. Unfortunately, getting the husband to leave his family is the ultimate goal of most mistresses. The mistress who has no intention to settle down with your man is the worst kind because when he declares his love to another woman and is shut down, he crawls back to his wife (who might take him back and leave the door open to start this vicious cycle all over again).

Rule #7: Once a cheater always a cheater
This is another motivation for the previous rule which means that the mistress doesn’t want to settle down with a cheater. The reasoning behind this rule is quite hypocritical… A cheater may always be a cheater just like a home wrecker will always be a home wrecker.

Rule #8: If you think this is his first affair, think again.

Duh!!

Rule #9: Eventually you will have to play the disappearing act.
There are times where the mistress is asked to play the game and pretend that she doesn’t know your husband/boyfriend in public. Wives/ girlfriends should not be fooled by this. If you know he’s cheating don’t misconstrue the face time he is spending with you as a sign that his affair is over… take it a sign that it’s more acceptable to be seen with you in public than his mistress.


This information is crucial to the woman being cheated on because if you are aware and decide to deal with it you should know what you are up against. When it is all said and done the mistress may have a moment of morality and feel guilty but mostly she is frustrated with having to share, and her bad feelings have nothing to do with ruining your relationship. Now that you know maybe the mistress won't rule. 

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The Rubber Band Effect: Getting Him to Want to Spend Time with You

The Rubber Band Effect: Getting Him to Want to Spend Time with You 

 

 I was reading the May issue of Cosmopolitan magazine and they had an article called “Your Secret Love Weapon” by Robin Hilmantel. The article speaks about the moment in a relationship where the guy starts to back away.


This was the first Cosmo article that I ever pulled out a highlighter to take note of certain points because this pattern has been a needle in my side when it comes to relationships. I understand that eventually people run out of things to talk about so frequently but it bothers me that the desire to spend time talking to and hanging out with someone we really like or love decreases. For me, communication is comparable to the spark in the relationship. If we stop talking or seeing each other then I see it as a direct reflection of how much a person actually wants to be in a relationship with me

I’m the type of person who is able to text a guy I’m seeing all day back and forth. This is not because I’m clingy but because I enjoy communicating with someone who is always on my mind. If they reciprocate with a text or phone call, then a conversation for however long will occur. What I find is that in the beginning of my relationships the constant desire for conversation and contact is shared. I’ll wake up everyday to a “good morning sunshine” text, and go to bed with a promise to talk again tomorrow. The conversation is usually only ending because one of us is beyond exhausted due to the day we each had at work. Eventually, the “good morning” texts stop coming or are very few and far between. The daily conversations turn into a check in periodically throughout the day. Lastly, the face to face interactions also decrease and become a non-confirmed “maybe date” on the weekends.

In my experience every time the communication began to disappear the relationship eventually did as well. From the outside looking in it seems to be common sense. Every one who has a successful relationship always gives credit to communication. I know that most of what they are referring to has to do with sharing their wants and needs with their partner. For me in addition to sharing the emotional stuff, it boils down to quality time.

In the article the author refers to a moment all women can relate to. The moment when a woman is texting a guy who has been MIA and still gets no response. Then when she decides to not text him for a night she’ll end up with more than one message from that guy before the night is over. The Rubber Band Effect as described in the article is imagining that: “there’s a giant rubber band around you and your guy. Anytime he seems to be getting distant, the best counteractive tactic is to pull away yourself. When you do so, you cause that virtual elastic to stretch… and suddenly, he feels the urge to spring back to you.”

The author suggests that when a guy starts to back away then you should do the same. Not as a way to play a game of cat and mouse but to restore balance and desire in a relationship by reading the signs that he needs space. The article breaks down the three stages of relationships where a guy could lose interest if you appear to be too available. These stages are the initial meeting, when you have been dating for a few months, and when you are in a mutual long term commitment. As I usually make it through the first five minutes I focused on the advice from the second and third stages. Here are some gems of advice the author quoted from psychologists and experts that made me understand my behavior/ the error of my ways and gave me insight on how to change the pattern:

In the first few months:

"Guys need time apart to test and whether being with a particular woman is really what they want they want, whereas women try to spend even more time as a couple to figure out if they’re compatible with that guy." - Denise Budden Potts, PhD ( Psychologist)

“It’s called mate-value economic…Women who are too easy to attract are perceived as less desirable” – David Buss, PhD (Evolutionary psychology researcher and professor at University of Texas at Austin

(After spending time apart) “…When he initiates coupley one-on-one time, you know for sure it’s because he’s ready, not because he feels obligated.” – Daniel Ellensberg, PhD (Relationship Expert)

In a long term commitment:

“When it comes to couple time, you want quality, not quantity… If you have been happily occupied and he’s had a chance to miss you, being together will feel as exciting and fulfilling as when you first met.” - Denise Budden Potts, PhD ( Psychologist)

What a lot of the advice in this article boils down to is getting your own life. Though I have my own hobbies I’ll admit to becoming wrapped up in my relationship enough to spend more time on him, and us, rather than on myself. Eventually, my hobbies are his hobbies or our hobbies. When he needs space and I’m not engaging in his or our hobbies because he’s not there, then I don’t know what to do with myself, and the gaps in between communication might as well be gaping holes because I’m not filling them with me time.

So I have resolved to get a life, enjoy hobbies that allow me to step away from the computer and my writing to explore new things or delve further into the things I enjoy like art and music as well as meet some new and interesting people. I talked about this a little bit in a post I did a while ago but now I’m taking it to the next level.

As my Facebook status flashes my single status to the world I’m cashing in on the me time I have until someone decides to “put a ring on it”. I started a new section on the blog called Every “Single” Weekend highlighting all of the date nights where I’m dating myself. I think it's important to mention that I'm not getting a life so that I can get any man to miss me. Part of the motivation does have to do with getting into the habit of treating myself and getting out more, so that if I am in a committed relationship again he does not  get bored because I'm always at his disposal. The other part is learning how to have fun on my own, and cherishing that time a much as I do the company of whatever man I'm seeing.

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CAN ONE LIVE IN ADULTERY?

CAN ONE LIVE IN ADULTERY?

I know there has been a lot of discussion about living in adultery.  The person who divorces his mate for a reason other than fornication and marries another is living in an adulterous marriage and the woman who has been divorced for a reason other than fornication and marries someone else is living in adultery. The person who marries her is living in adultery.  

There are some who deny that you can live in adultery. They say that adultery is an act. I realize that adultery is an act, but the Bible teaches that you can live in adultery. Paul asks the question, "How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" . Can a person live in sin? Well, the Holy Spirit taught that you can.  This does not mean that every moment you live you are committing a sinful act.  It means you are living in a state of sin.  You are living separated from God. Paul wrote, "Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them" .  Paul here says that the Colossians once lived in fornication.  Fornication is a generic term used for "all kinds of unlawful sexual intercourse" (See Thayer).  One form of unlawful sexual intercourse is adultery. So, if it is possible to live in fornication it is possible to live in adultery.  That does not mean that you are continually involved in the act, it means you are living in a sinful relationship. The sin of adultery is separating you from God.  Until you turn from that sinful relationship you are living in sin.  In order to quit living in adultery, you must seek God's forgiveness. In seeking God's forgiveness you must meet His conditions of forgiveness. One of His conditions of forgiveness is repentance. You must turn away from your sin. When you do that, you are  no longer living in sin. 

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HOW LONG IS YOUR FIRST MARRIAGE TO LAST?

HOW LONG IS YOUR FIRST MARRIAGE TO LAST?

The Bible is very clear in it's teaching concerning how long God wants you to stay married to the first person you marry. The inspired apostle Paul wrote, "A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord". Isn't this clear?  When you marry, you are bound by God's law to be married to your spouse as long as both of you are living. According to God's law you are free to marry someone else ONLY AFTER your spouse dies.

Paul again addresses this subject in the book of Romans. "For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man" .  This passage teaches the same thing that  teaches but in addition tells us that the woman who marries someone else while her husband is living is guilty of adultery.  You are bound by God's law to your spouse as long as he/she lives.  If you marry someone else while your spouse is living you are guilty of adultery.  If your spouse dies, you are free to marry someone else and will not be guilty of adultery (provided the person you marry can scripturally marry).

So, according to these two passages, God's law is that you remain married to the first person you marry, and only that person, "as long as you both shall live."  These two passages give no exception to this rule. Thus, when you enter in to marriage, you must do so with the intent of it being a lifelong commitment and relationship. It is "in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, so long as you both shall live." 

There is another thing that we learn from these passages.  God's will is that a MAN and a WOMAN marry each other.  This means that the two people who enter into a marriage must be mature enough to be considered a man and a woman. In other words, children are not to be marrying.  Too many marriages end in divorce because those people who enter into it are just too immature to handle the responsibilities.  So, you young people who are reading this and considering marriage: Be sure you are mature enough to handle the responsibilities!  If you are not, then put that marriage off for a while. Give yourself time to "grow up" so that you can deal with the various problems and joys of marriage.  

There is one more thing we need to point out: God's law specifies that marriage is to be between a male and a female .  God's law does not recognize homosexual marriages. Those marriages are an abomination to Him. Paul shows God's disapproval of homosexuality .  He wrote, "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God."  Here, the Bible clearly teaches that homosexuality does not please God.  In fact, you can see the terrible sins it is listed with and the terrible consequences of it's practice. Homosexuality will keep one out of heaven.  It's just that simple.  The Holy Spirit through Paul clearly describes homosexuality.  Then in verse thirty one he says, "who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them."  If those who practice such things as homosexuality are worthy of death, do you think God would approve of homosexuals marrying each other?  Of course not!  According to God's law, marriage is to take place between two adults, one of which is male and the other a female.

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MARRIAGE, DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

MARRIAGE, DIVORCE AND REMARRIAG

One of the greatest needs in the world today is for people to recognize and abide by the law of God concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage. There are very few families who are not affected by divorce.  This is just as true of families in the church of Christ as it is of those who are in the world.

One of the reasons this is so, is that we are not teaching on this subject as we should.  Some elderships will not allow this subject to be studied from their pulpits.  Some preachers will not preach on it because they don't want to deal with "controversial" subjects.  Some will not preach on it because they don't want to lose their paychecks.  Some won't preach on it, because they have never studied it and don't really know what they believe about it. Some preach on it and shouldn't because they believe and teach false doctrine on the subject.

There are some preachers and elders and other members in the church who say they have "restudied" this subject because either they or someone close to them have been divorced and remarried.  Because of who is involved, they now take a different view than they did before. However, no matter who may change their minds, God's word has not changed.  It still teaches what it taught when it was first written.  God's attitude toward divorce has not changed.  His attitude is still the same as it was in Malachi's day. 

With these things in mind I would like to study with you the subject of marriage, divorce and remarriage. I would like to begin by asking a question:

 E

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CONCLUSION FOR THE WHAT EVERY HUSBAND SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP

It is the observing of these three primary forces on the part of the man that makes it possible for a woman to be a woman!  This is what every husband should know --  that he creates the atmosphere that makes it possible for her to supply those womanly qualities that complement his manly ones and make a home what God intended a home to be. It is only as he exerts his leadership in this three-fold area that she finds it fully possible to manifest those qualities which God has placed within her.  Therefore, a happy marriage begins with the man.

Peter has one final point to make.  It is a word of warning.  Failure by the husband to observe these things, he says, means spiritual poverty in that home. "Your prayers will be hindered."  Prayer represents our whole spiritual relationship with God. If you can not pray to God, your spiritual relationship to Him is in trouble. It is only God that can make human life worth living, and a man is a fool who tries to find a worthy life apart from God.  That is the whole thrust of the Gospel message.  It is only in a restoration to God through Jesus Christ that man can find the intended worth and glory of life. And prayer, that sense of dependence, that expression of faith that makes possible all of God's giving unto men, is hindered when man fails to fulfill his role and responsibility within the home.

So this is what every husband should know about the marriage relationship.  Men, some of us have a lot of work to do in this area. We have not been the kind of husbands that we ought to be. We have taken our wives for granted. We have not valued them as we should. We have shut down the lines of communication. We have not taken our place as understanding leaders in the home. Why not determine right now that you will put Peter's teaching into practice in your life.  Love your wife as much as you love yourself.  Treat her as you would treat yourself. It will certainly pay dividends now in your life, and in the life that is to come.

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HEIRS TOGETHER OF THE GRACE OF LIFE

The third area that Peter speaks of is that the husband understand the need for unlimited sharing of his own life with his wife in the most important part of his life - his spiritual life. You are "heirs together of the grace of life."

 This means that a husband must recognize his wife's right to share in this most important aspect of his life. Too many husbands have the idea that the religious part of their families' life is to be led by their wives. They think it is unmanly to be religious or spiritually minded. Men, there is nothing more important to your family and to your wife than your spiritual leadership. It was Paul who wrote in Ephesians 6:4, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Certainly the wife has a great responsibility in this area, but the husband must be the leader in bringing up his children in the training (instruction) and admonition (warning) of the Lord.

The husband must also share every other aspect of his life with his wife. All the barriers must come down between them, all the channels of communication must be open.  There are no off-limit areas that he keeps separate from his wife.  One of the greatest complaints that wives have in regard to their husbands is that they don't listen to them. The communication is "one way." Husbands, listen to your wife. Listen to her concerns. Listen to her complaints. Listen to her desires. Listen to her when she tells you about her day.

If there is one thing I've come to appreciate after all these years of married life, it is that your wife needs for you to listen to her and be concerned about her thoughts and feelings -- about those things that are important to her. Those things that are important to her ought to be of extreme importance to you, if you truly love her. Husbands, most of the time, your wife is not looking for you to solve all her problems, she just wants you to listen to her problems and concerns.  Here is the way we men are.  We think our wives tell us all these things because they want us to solve the problems, so we start to give solutions to her problems, telling her what to do and what to say in different circumstances. That is not why they tell us these things. They tell us because they need for us to listen to them -- to support them -- to make them feel that they can trust us.

This does not mean that the husband and wife must always participate in everything together. It does not mean that the wife will always want to do everything the husband does or the husband will always want to do everything the wife does, or that they have to. It does mean that he does not try to hide anything from her, nor her from him. There is to be no outside activity or person that he would love more than her other than God. The wife should never have to worry that she has to compete with something in her husbands life or that he considers something to be more important than her.  This relates again to that central need of a woman to have first place in her husband's love.  He must understand that women were made to be helpmeets, partners .  What good is a partner if she is excluded from some particular area of your life?  Husbands, you have to open the doors of communication with your wife.

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GIVING HONOR TO THE WIFE

GIVING HONOR TO THE WIFE

 

Then Peter says that the husband must be "...giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel." What does this mean?

Someone once said, "That means helping her with the dishes when she has a headache."  I'm sure that is a part of what Peter had in mind when he said this, but what Peter says here reflects the wife's deepest emotional need. First, when Peter says that the husband must dwell with his wife with understanding, he shows that it is possible for men to understand their wives.  One of the first and most important things  that we husbands must understand about our wives is reflected in what God said to Eve in the Garden of Eden after she sinned as recorded in , "your desire shall be for your husband."   Another translation says, "You shall long for your husband."   That is, for his love, his protection, his leadership. It is imperative to a woman that she feel secure in her husband's love. That she be secure in the protection he can provide for her, both physical and emotional. Therefore, it is the husband's  job to make her feel highly regarded, to honor her, to value her, to protect her.  It is as Paul puts it in Ephesians 5, to love her as his own body, to show honor to her under all conditions, to honor and love her "just as Christ also loved the church,"  Not because she is always lovable, but simply because he has determined to love her.  This, according to Peter,  is man's second great responsibility in marriage.

The husband must show courtesy and thoughtful consideration to his wife under every conceivable circumstance.  This means that one of the most devastating things that can occur in marriage is for the husband to become critical toward his wife, treating her with scorn, or being sarcastic toward her.  This is one of the major causes of unhappiness in marriage, for such an attitude threatens the basic nature of woman.  It is the man's job to make his wife feel that she is important to him and never to let his love turn into taking her for granted.

Husbands, think about when you were first married.  Do you still value your wife as much as you did then? It is interesting to note that this is the most common complaint of wives to marriage counselors.  They say, "My husband just takes me for granted.  To him I'm another piece of furniture around the house. I'm only important to him for what I do for him, not for who I am."  This means that a wife is being threatened at the very deepest level of her life.  She no longer feels secure in her husband's love, and she reacts in a negative way.

Her reaction is often viewed as unreasonable by her husband. Perhaps a man comes home with no idea that anything is wrong, and he makes some routine statement  and to his surprise his wife gets angry and runs out of the room crying,  and the poor man is left there in his bewilderment, saying to himself, "What did I do? What did I say?"  But something has threatened his wife's feeling of security in his love (perhaps unconsciously) and thus this "strange" reaction. If he gets angry himself it only confirms her suspicions and increases the viciousness of the circle, for then she is sure that she is not secure in his love any longer.  But the understanding husband soon learns that what he needs to do is to be considerate and thoughtful, and above all, not to raise his voice and react in a way that will confirm her suspicions. Therefore the wise husband learns that in times like this it is necessary to be quiet, loving, and considerate,  and thus he will restore her trust in him.

Another way a threatened wife may react is by self-protection. If her insecurity goes on long enough a wife will try to build a life for herself apart from her husband.  She will try to erect barriers to protect her from getting hurt.  This is such a sensitive area of a woman's nature that she tries to build barricades around herself. Every understanding husband must learn to avoid any unconscious threat to his wife's feeling of being loved.  When he sees this happening he must show love all the more.  That is why the Bible speaks so powerfully and simply, "Husbands, love your wives."  This is the husband's great responsibility in the home.

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DWELL WITH THEM WITH UNDERSTANDING

DWELL WITH THEM WITH UNDERSTANDING

In this verse, the Apostle Peter puts his finger squarely on the primary role of the husband in marriage -- that of knowledgeable leadership. "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding." This emphasizes the responsibility of the husband in giving understanding leadership in his home.  Every man is ultimately responsible to God for what his home becomes.  This is what the Scriptures consistently teach.

In writing to the Corinthians the Apostle Paul says, "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God."  Here the Holy Spirit through Paul puts the responsibility of the husband to exercise leadership in the home within the framework of total leadership in the universe. The head of the woman is the man, and that means that the man must take his responsibility as head seriously.

This is a role for which woman was not made, and essentially a role that she does not want.  I know it is popular to make jokes about henpecked husbands (and certainly there is evidence that such exists), but having observed married couples for a long time, and having personal involvement in marriage for over 30 years, it seems to me that the problem is not so much due to the wife seeking leadership, as it is the refusal of the husband to assume his responsibility of leadership.

It is difficult to understand how men can give themselves to responsible and knowledgeable leadership in work and other areas of life,  but when they get home they expect everything to go along all right and turn out well in the end -- without any thought, direction, or leadership on their part. We call the wives the homemakers, but it is usually the husband who chooses the values that go into his home.  It is the father who ought to take the leadership in deciding what is to be important in the home.  True, it's often the mother who implements this choice and upon her falls the responsibility for carrying out much of it, but by and large, it is the man who makes the choice of what the home will be, whether he does it consciously or unconsciously.  There is built into the man's nature, by divine mandate, not only a responsibility but a desire to do this.

It is the man who determines whether the family will be sports-fanatics or book lovers or both;  whether they are travelers or stay-at-homers; whether it is a family that emphasizes personal integrity in their relationships, or who are manipulators;  whether they are spiritually minded or materially minded.  Almost always the values of the family are determined by the husband/father. This is also, therefore, where men most frequently fail in marriage. We do not exert leadership and give understanding direction to the home.  Even if we do give some kind of leadership, it is not thoughtful or intelligent -- it is not "according to understanding," as Peter says.  We simply drift along, making the best of things according to the way we feel at the moment. Thus there is no leadership at all, or at best unbalanced leadership.

Many marriage counselors dealing in this area have pointed out that in our American life, we don't teach men to be men.  Therefore, many men grow up and get married who are nothing more than grown-up little boys, still looking for mothers rather than wives.  They want someone to serve their physical needs, keep them well fed and happy, and soothe their egos when they get hurt.  They want someone to wait on them,  to be there to fulfill whatever demand they may make. But that is not the proper role of a wife, and that is why Peter's first word to men is: Understand what a marriage ought to be, what the rules are, what is expected of you according to the Word of God.  Because what a home will be is determined primarily by the husband.

If the man does not fulfill his responsibility of leadership in the home, then the wife has to take that responsibility, thereby forcing her to assume a role for which she is not made, and as I have already suggested, she does not basically and essentially desire. 

One way men fail in this is by unbalanced leadership.  They think that their major concern is to make a living, and it is the wife's job to run the home.  They give their whole attention to the business of making money so they can provide the comforts of modern life for their family.  Most American men do a commendable job along this line by the way.  They take this responsibility (which is properly part of their responsibility in marriage) very seriously, but then they leave the rest of it to their wives.  They take no active part in teaching their children the Bible.  They take no active part in helping their wives teach and practice sound moral values. They take little or no part in disciplining their children.  The husband makes a small part of life his primary concern while the rest of life, with the greatest and most important values within it, is left wholly for the wife.  But this is a denial of what Peter suggests that man's first responsibility is. To exercise understanding leadership.  Men must act with understanding, he says, and choose intelligently what comes into their homes.  This is the number one responsibility of the husband in the home.

 

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WHAT EVERY HUSBAND SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP

WHAT EVERY HUSBAND SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP
Anyone who closely observes the marriage scene today knows that many marriages are in trouble.  This is true not only of marriage between non-Christians, but between Christians as well. Divorce takes place all too often even among Christians.  This indicates that there is still a lot of teaching that needs to be done concerning what God's word teaches about marriage.

There are many contributing factors to this problem. It would be impossible to look at all of them, but one of the principle causes is that when couples start having problems in their marriages, the only way they see to get away from those problems is divorce. They turn to this as a solution with little or no attempt to examine any possible alternatives.  But the Bible teaches that divorce is a last resort and something that must only take place under the circumstances set forth in passages like.

I would like to point out in this study that an alternative to divorce does exist, and it will be our purpose to examine together this alternative to divorce from the Scriptures. Simply stated, the alternative is to learn what makes a marriage work and apply that to our marriages.

Marriage involves both a husband and a wife, and each of these partners must play his/her part in making that marriage work.  Of course there is a third party that is a part of every legitimate marriage, and that is God.  God has done His part in making our marriages work by giving us instructions concerning marriage in the Bible.  The Bible, in its great wisdom and practicality, deals with this subject honestly and plainly. It's the most helpful book on family problems ever printed, and we must turn to it and learn to accept what it says.

Let us begin our study by looking at Peter's inspired summary of a husband's duties in marriage, found in First Peter three, verse seven:

"Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."

 
ABOUT THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPIAGE RELATIONSHIP

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THE LOVE GOD HAS FOR US

THE LOVE GOD HAS FOR US

When one reads the New Testament, it is very hard to find a passage that mentions God's love for us that doesn't either directly or indirectly mention the demonstration of that love through His Son Jesus Christ. A passage most are familiar with, and that many people can quote . Here the Bible says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." Here the Bible speaks of God's love for us (the world) and shows that His love was demonstrated by sending His Son to give His life for us. Let me list several verses similar to and then we will sum them up after you read them:

And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: "For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter." Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: "My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives."

Let us sum up the main points of these passages:

• Man is dead (lost) in sin, and is without strength to save himself.
• God, because of His great love sent Christ to save us from our sins or to make us alive.
• God sent Christ even though we were His enemies.
• God's love is unselfish and extends to all showing no partiality.
• God was under no obligation to send Christ on man's behalf.
• He did it because of His love and mercy.
• It is a gift.
• It is because of this love that God has for us demonstrated through Christ that we are able to become children of God.
• No outside influence can separate us from God's love.
• Just as Jesus endured the cross, there are things we must face as children of God called chastening (discipline).
• God chastens (disciplines) us because He loves us as children.

God did not send Christ because He wanted to do something for Himself. He sent Him expecting nothing in return. The Greek word translated love in the New Testament is agape. This is the love that always does what is best for the person who is loved.

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THE LOVE GOD HAS FOR US

 THE LOVE GOD HAS FOR US

As one examines the world in which we live and as we examine ourselves, we see the need to come to a greater appreciation of what the Bible teaches about love. If we were asked, most of us would quickly affirm that we need to be more loving. But what is love? What is the love that the Bible teaches us to have?  Is it simply physical attraction? Is it mere affection? Does it just deal with sexual relations? Is love something that motivates one to tolerate anything and everything in religion and never offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings?

The kind of love the Bible speaks of -- the kind of love that you and I must have as a part of our lives -- is far different than the ideas expressed above. What is important is what the Bible teaches about love. You and I may have the wrong impression about love, but the Bible is true and right and teaches us what love is. Thus, as we study this great subject of love, we will not be quoting from human experts and professionals. We will be studying directly from God Himself, the source of all knowledge and wisdom, who defines true love in His word, and who Himself is love

I do not think it is possible for us to really understand and appreciate the kind of love we are to have for one another without first understanding the love that God has for us.

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MY CONCLUSION TROUBLES WILL COME

So, we will all face troubles in life because that is the condition of human beings while living in this life. Yet, we must realize they are only temporary and that there is an eternal weight of glory awaiting us in heaven and we must ever keep our eyes upon that goal no matter what we have to face. We should use the experiences we face in times of trouble to render comfort to others who may face similar experiences. And we should try to the best of our ability to develop the right attitude toward these things.

Let me leave you with one verse and then the lesson is yours. The Hebrew writer was writing to comfort Christians in the first century who were going to face severe persecution, In chapter eleven, he had given the examples of many of those who faced terrible circumstances in life and yet remained faithful despite what they faced. He then says beginning in verse one of chapter twelve, "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." If we will but "look unto Jesus" -- keep our eyes on the goal and follow His example, we can be with Him in eternity -- we can overcome the troubles we face in life -- we can be saved eternally.

But "looking unto Jesus" means more than just learning about Him in His word. It means we must follow Him -- we must obey His will. And as we close the lesson, we want to encourage you -- if you have never obeyed Jesus Christ to do so this evening. Jesus gives us a plan of salvation to follow. He told us we must hear His word  and hearing His word produces faith in our hearts. He has told us that we must repent of our sins -- turn away from sin . He has told us we must confess our faith in Christ being the Son of God  and that we must be baptized to be saved .

Maybe you have let the troubles you have been facing in life weaken your faith -- even to the point of falling away. If so, won't you come back to your first love tonight? Repenting of sin, confessing it and asking God's forgiveness through prayer? If you will humbly respond in obedience to Jesus tonight, won't you do so while we stand and sing?

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USE THE TROUBLES YOU FACE TO HELP OTHERS

USE THE TROUBLES YOU FACE TO HELP OTHERS

One of the things that I believe will help us in facing troubles and overcoming them, is that we can use the experiences we have faced to help others when they face the same kinds of things. Now some people face troubles but they never use their experiences to help others. But one of the best ways to consider the troubles we face in life in a positive way, is to realize that we can use the things we have learned in these experiences to help others.

I don't really know what it's like to lose a spouse, for example, but some of you here know what it's like. When someone loses a spouse, you know how to comfort them far better than I do, because you've been through it. Those who have had family problems know what others who are having those kinds of problems are going through and can help better than those who have not faced those kinds of things. We may not know what to say in every case or even what to do about a given situation, but we can listen - we can sympathize - we can offer comfort and support.

Since we have to face these troubles in life. Since none of us are exempt. Let's use these experiences to help others get through similar circumstances. Let's use these experiences to glorify God.

Paul wrote in Second Corinthians one and verses 3 and 4, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." God comforts us in all our tribulation. He does that through His word, as we have read in this lesson some of the comforting passages dealing with facing troubles. But notice what Paul says... He "comforts us in all our tribulation THAT WE MAY BE ABLE TO COMFORT THOSE WHO ARE IN ANY TROUBLE." Those who are comforted by God have a responsibility to comfort others! Isn't that a great, amazing responsibility? We have the opportunity, because of the things we have faced in life, to help others -- to give comfort to others when they face similar things! And we are to do this "with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." In other words, God comforts us through His word, and we must use His word to comfort others. So, as you face troubles in life -- troubles that will surely come upon all of us -- seek comfort from God in His word, and realize as you're going through these things the opportunity is being created to help others who are facing similar circumstances. Learn from the comfort God gives you in His word, and extend that same comfort to others. Thus we can look upon these things in a positive light because it gives us the opportunity to help others through troubling times, an opportunity we would not have had, had we not faced those troubles in our own life.

Also, we need to look upon these things we go through as avenues through which we can grow spiritually. There is an amazing passage in the book of James, chapter one verses two through four, which says, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." Those "various trials" include temptation to sin, but the original word includes more than that. It includes anything that brings trouble in life. What does James say our attitude toward these various trials that we face is to be? It is to be one of joy. Why? Because they are pleasant to go through? No. But because they test your faith. And the testing of your faith produces patience or endurance. And patience or endurance has it's perfect work -- that is, to make us "perfect and complete, lacking nothing." When the early Christians suffered persecution, the Bible says of them in Acts five, verse forty one, "So they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for His name." And that is how we should feel when we face difficult situations in our lives. Our attitude should be one of joy knowing that the things we go through here (if we have the right attitude toward them) will help us grow spiritually so that we can go to heaven.

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HOW DO WE DEAL WITH TROUBLES IN LIFE?

HOW DO WE DEAL WITH TROUBLES IN LIFE?

Realizing that we will have problems and troubles in life and that we will face persecution of one kind or another, the next question is: How do we deal with these things? What can we do to assure that we remain faithful and use the troubles in our lives to accomplish God's will? There's great teaching and comfort found in God's word that will help us in this regard, if we will just take heed.

First, we must realize that the troubles we face in life are only temporary and will end some day. I don't know about you, but when I know that something's going to end, even though it may be very difficult to go through, it makes it easier to deal with. Paul, in speaking of the gospel as a treasure in "earthern vessels" in Second Corinthians four, speaks of the things he and the other apostles faced when they preached the gospel. He said, beginning in verse eight, "We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So then death is working in us, but life in you. And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, 'I believed and therefore I spoke,' we also believe and therefore speak, knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

When we think about all the things Paul went through to preach the gospel. When we think about the persecutions, the threats of death, the imprisonments, the beatings and so on. When we look upon it from an entirely human standpoint, it's hard to see how Paul could call these things "our light affliction." But when we, like Paul, begin to realize that in view of eternity, in view of the fact that these things are temporary -- that they are but for a moment -- and begin to consider the far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory that shall be ours, we begin to see why Paul could say these things were "light afflictions." As we face the things we have to face in this life, let us be assured that they are only temporary in nature -- they are only for a moment, for a short time, and then they will be gone. We're looking for something far better, and something that is eternal. Something that offers eternal freedom from the troubles of this life. We must learn to look upon those things that are eternal.

One of the things that has always helped me when things look bleak is something I heard an elder of the church say when he was preaching along these lines many years ago. He said, "you know one of the things that has always comforted me in time of trouble is the phrase the Bible uses many times, that being 'and it came to pass.'" He said, "Although the Bible doesn't use the phrase in this way, we need to realize that these things we face will pass." When we're facing troubles, trials, temptations, illness, etc... we need to say to ourselves, "This too, shall pass." It's only temporary. It will only last for a short time. Even if it lasts a life time, it will be a short time when compared to eternity.

There can be no doubt, that when we enter through the gates into the city -- into heaven -- all the troubles we have faced in this life, all the pain and suffering, all the mental anguish will be forgotten. Paul wrote in Romans 8:18, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Think about that. All the suffering we may be facing in this life, all the problems... all the losses... all the troubles... as terrible and hard to bear as they are, are not worthy to be compared with the glory that will be revealed in us! The phrase "this present time" means in this life. This implies "a future time."  A future time when glory shall be revealed in us. That's the eternal glory when we will sit down with God in the eternal kingdom of heaven. If we are going to overcome and deal with the troubles we face now, our minds must be set on that which awaits us in eternity. Our minds must be set on heaven. We must realize that the troubles we face in this life are nothing compared to the glory which shall be revealed in us in heaven.

And so, these things are going to pass. And Jesus is going to come again, and take us home to heaven with Him where there will be no more troubles to face, ever again! We have a great promise made in Revelation chapter 21 and verse 4, "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."

In view of what we are promised -- in view of heaven and eternity, we dare not let the troubles we face in this life make us become unfaithful to God. We dare not let these things overcome us. We can be victorious! We can win over these troubles! If we will but keep in mind that these things are only temporary and the absence of these things is eternal.

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TROUBLES WILL COME

Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a battle

When I was young, I didn't appreciate that sentiment like I do now. The older you get, the more you realize that it's true. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle of one kind or another.

That's also true of Christians. There are some reading this article who are fighting battles of one kind or another. It may be dealing with the loss of a loved one in death, taking care of aging parents, problems with our children or grandchildren, facing temptations of one kind or another, dealing with illness, with financial problems or whatever it may be. Many, if not all of us are fighting battles and facing troubles.

But we don't have to fight these battles alone. And even if every one of our friends forsakes us, and all our family deserts us, there is One who is always there to help and render comfort in our time of need. 

TROUBLES WILL COME

One of the things we should realize is that even though we are faithful Christians, troubles will come and battles will have to be fought. , "Man who is born of woman Is of few days and full of trouble." Seeing that all of us fit this description, that means none of us are exempt from troubles. In fact, Job says our days will be full of trouble. Due to the condition of this world, brought about by sin, our lives are full of trouble. As Christians, we must recognize this and deal with it the best we can. We must realize that the world, as created by God, is the best world it can be to accomplish God's purpose in our lives, and we must learn to trust Him and realize that the circumstances we are facing will work out for our good and the good of others who may be involved

In fact, not only is the condition of the world in general a cause of trouble, but God even promises Christians that we will have troubles brought on just because we are Christians.  "Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution." God does not promise us that because we become Christians we're going escape all the problems of life. In fact, He promises just the opposite when it comes to living in this world and facing the problem of persecution. Oh, we may not be persecuted in this country today like those people of the first century or like people may be in other countries -- not yet, although that time may come; We "have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin." as the writer of Hebrews says in chapter 12 and verse 4. But there are other ways we can be persecuted. And if we are living godly in Christ Jesus we will suffer persecution. So, we must be ready for that and learn to deal with it in a way that's pleasing to God. 

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