GIVING HONOR TO THE WIFE

GIVING HONOR TO THE WIFE

 

Then Peter says that the husband must be "...giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel." What does this mean?

Someone once said, "That means helping her with the dishes when she has a headache."  I'm sure that is a part of what Peter had in mind when he said this, but what Peter says here reflects the wife's deepest emotional need. First, when Peter says that the husband must dwell with his wife with understanding, he shows that it is possible for men to understand their wives.  One of the first and most important things  that we husbands must understand about our wives is reflected in what God said to Eve in the Garden of Eden after she sinned as recorded in , "your desire shall be for your husband."   Another translation says, "You shall long for your husband."   That is, for his love, his protection, his leadership. It is imperative to a woman that she feel secure in her husband's love. That she be secure in the protection he can provide for her, both physical and emotional. Therefore, it is the husband's  job to make her feel highly regarded, to honor her, to value her, to protect her.  It is as Paul puts it in Ephesians 5, to love her as his own body, to show honor to her under all conditions, to honor and love her "just as Christ also loved the church,"  Not because she is always lovable, but simply because he has determined to love her.  This, according to Peter,  is man's second great responsibility in marriage.

The husband must show courtesy and thoughtful consideration to his wife under every conceivable circumstance.  This means that one of the most devastating things that can occur in marriage is for the husband to become critical toward his wife, treating her with scorn, or being sarcastic toward her.  This is one of the major causes of unhappiness in marriage, for such an attitude threatens the basic nature of woman.  It is the man's job to make his wife feel that she is important to him and never to let his love turn into taking her for granted.

Husbands, think about when you were first married.  Do you still value your wife as much as you did then? It is interesting to note that this is the most common complaint of wives to marriage counselors.  They say, "My husband just takes me for granted.  To him I'm another piece of furniture around the house. I'm only important to him for what I do for him, not for who I am."  This means that a wife is being threatened at the very deepest level of her life.  She no longer feels secure in her husband's love, and she reacts in a negative way.

Her reaction is often viewed as unreasonable by her husband. Perhaps a man comes home with no idea that anything is wrong, and he makes some routine statement  and to his surprise his wife gets angry and runs out of the room crying,  and the poor man is left there in his bewilderment, saying to himself, "What did I do? What did I say?"  But something has threatened his wife's feeling of security in his love (perhaps unconsciously) and thus this "strange" reaction. If he gets angry himself it only confirms her suspicions and increases the viciousness of the circle, for then she is sure that she is not secure in his love any longer.  But the understanding husband soon learns that what he needs to do is to be considerate and thoughtful, and above all, not to raise his voice and react in a way that will confirm her suspicions. Therefore the wise husband learns that in times like this it is necessary to be quiet, loving, and considerate,  and thus he will restore her trust in him.

Another way a threatened wife may react is by self-protection. If her insecurity goes on long enough a wife will try to build a life for herself apart from her husband.  She will try to erect barriers to protect her from getting hurt.  This is such a sensitive area of a woman's nature that she tries to build barricades around herself. Every understanding husband must learn to avoid any unconscious threat to his wife's feeling of being loved.  When he sees this happening he must show love all the more.  That is why the Bible speaks so powerfully and simply, "Husbands, love your wives."  This is the husband's great responsibility in the home.