Mistress Rules Part 2: Girlfriends Can’t Behave like Mistresses

Mistress Rules Part 2: Girlfriends Can’t Behave like Mistresses 

 

I posted a piece last year titled The Mistress Rules about the guidelines that mistresses follow. My intention was to keep girlfriends/ wives one step ahead of the “other woman”. After being with men who had mistresses and after unintentionally becoming one for a very very very short moment (I’m not proud of it), what has come to my attention is the modern day girlfriend or wife thinks that if we give our men everything that he is getting from the other women then he’ll stop cheating.


When you think about it, in theory it makes sense but it is no longer true.  We used to think that if a man cheats because his woman is not adventurous enough in the bedroom, it would seem that the easiest solution would be for her to stop the prude behavior and enjoy his kinky ride no pun intended. But as we advance psychologically and sexually the reasons why men cheat are not so cut and dry.

What we forget (and I have said this a million times) is that sometimes when men seek pleasures or attention from other women it’s simply because they are not you. A man may enjoy the strip club every now and then but if he walked in and saw his woman on the pole, it would completely change the experience and most likely not in a good way. So deciding to fulfill whatever void he’s trying to fill by emulating his mistresses behavior could blow up in your face.

Here a few things that a mistress does that wives and girlfriends shouldn’t:

Sending Pictures and Videos of Yourself
Though your man may spend a certain amount of time looking at random naked women or requesting risqué pictures from other women he flirts with, sending a random photo or video of yourself can be a flop. Why? He has already seen what you have, and if you have an active sex life he has seen it A LOT. Just because you snooped and saw a picture of another woman’s lady parts on his phone, do not take it as a cue to do the same. Otherwise, do not be surprised when the result is a mediocre reception from him with lack luster compliments for lack of anything else to say. Further more you are left feeling rejected, and above all else embarrassed because you sent your “stuff” through the mail and the package was not well received. This can lead to future self consciousness about being sexually adventurous with your man. Save it for when the both of you have been apart because of work, vacations, etc. If he misses seeing your body and he’s into that stuff he’ll ask.


**This also includes “Sexting”. When a girl he hasn’t slept with that he is attracted to sends him the “I want you so bad right now” text, believe that he gets excited and this opens up a whole new door of texts, that you find inappropriate and disrespectful because he’s not having this conversation with you. Don’t try to recreate these conversations with him without some subtle prompting on his end. It’s all about timing. Like I said if you haven’t slept together in a while and know the feeling is mutual then go for it.



Playing Hard to Get

Sometimes the most intriguing thing about the other woman is that she is inconsistent. She doesn’t send the same cute messages or ask the same monotonous questions about his day. Her text messages don’t come at the same time daily. He is often surprised if she contacts him because if she’s smart she is letting him chase her. Girlfriends can not do this. Even if you have the same routine for contacting each other daily i.e. the morning text, the afternoon “how’s work” check in, and the evening “are you coming over?” question, changing it abruptly will not work in your advantage. Deciding to forcefully make him miss you can result in him gradually forgetting you and the new routine becomes silence on both ends.



Do Not Become a Copy Cat

Some mistresses grab your man’s attention because she is doing something you are not. However, in other instances it can be a bit tricky… both of you are great cooks, make him laugh, share his interests etc. What happens here is that after the girlfriend or wife eliminates all of the emotional reasons he could be cheating, she turns to the physical reasons. The worst thing to do is try to look like her or change yourself to compete with her physically.

I remember when I found out one of my exes was cheating on me. I knew who the girl was and I analyzed the heck out of the situation to figure out what she had that I didn’t. I was out spoken and she was kind of meek. She was older. She was taller; she had a few talents that I didn’t. I concluded that she wasn’t better than me, we were just different. I won’t lie I did attempt to be a little more calm and less outgoing, I vamped up the wardrobe to have a more mature look but I ended up not liking myself. First, because I wasn’t being real with myself. Second, because he didn’t notice or stop seeing the other girl anyway.


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Every time I post a piece about cheating I get the same mixed response. Men either feel attacked, or exposed, and women agree/relate or say they don’t need the information because their man will never cheat or they just won’t tolerate it. Personally, after being cheated on a few times do I think that all men are the same? Not really. I think that everyone has an outlet that may not be accepted by the person they are currently with. This outlet can be a detriment to the relationship if certain lines are crossed. By no means am I accepting that I may get cheated on again one day or lowering my standards to commit to someone wholeheartedly who can’t or won’t wholeheartedly commit to me. However, I think people have to be realistic about their expectations. If you are with a cheater he/ she won’t stop this behavior overnight or maybe never because you keep letting it happen. Also, you can’t assume that the person you are with is perfect. Trust me it helps to curb the random and not so random disappointments.